#fantasy world is so stimulating for my brains I can think only about it for days and days
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I still feel defensive when somebody says that genchin sucks bc it has the big ass open world FULL of puzzles, secrets and things to explore and that's the only thing I like in the games. Let me explore the big map full of secret treasures and mystic writings on the walls.
#like yeah gacha stuff sucks but nowadays they put it in every game like lootboxes IS gacha#but I will eat this world with all it's mountains and forests and seas and plains and deserts bc i love this map#its so eqsy to have empty open world like there are MILLIONS of games with empty open worlds#but it doesn't mean that every open world is empty#I also had a lot of fun in Oblivion and Skyrim and teso#just wondering through the world looking for treasures and secrets#yeah I do love to find a skeleton with a diary that tells me how they heard some weird noises and their colleagues disappeared#id love to know if this civilization is built on top of the dragons civilization and I can find the ruins with murals that tell me about#their king-god that they worshipped here while he was building machines by putting live genies who swore loyalty to his wife who he murdered#like I like the crazy world building and lore and legends#fantasy world is so stimulating for my brains I can think only about it for days and days
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How to Make a Playlist for Your WIP
Do you just desperately want your brain to rot about your characters? Do you want to feel inspired lyrically toward growing plot points? Do you need to input auditory stimulation while you write? Don't you just want to go apeshit about your wip?
But every time you make a playlist for your project, it's got 10 songs you eventually get sick of and the vibes are all over the place? Or is it too aesthetic to improve your process and flow? Do you have a hard time considering even what genre of music would fit the tropes and themes you are playing with in your current work?
Well, do I have some tips for you, motherfucker.
Make sure you set aside some time to do this because it's going to take all day.
Let's go ahead and start by doing the usual thing; add every song that rots your mind about your characters to your playlist, right now. Good, that's a baseline. Now, click on each of those artists, and listen to their entire discography--- or just the first ten songs. I have found consistency in the voices I'm hearing can really improve my immersion in juxtaposition to a playlist that only features a single song from each artist, which can be jarring in my ears. By adding these songs to your list sequentially, you can listen to blocks of sounds or moods without reorganizing your list excessively. Alternatively, this can give your shuffle a greater variety, because songs from the same artist will be cast all over the list instead of grouping up on accident. If you find the song you're hearing is an outlier within the artists music after listening to a few tracks, it's okay to move on from that vibe. Don't add things that don't fit the vibe just because it's a new song that you like, remember to only toss those in your general library. We are creating an atmosphere here, people.
Our next stop is going to be some character building, which will help you overall, so don't skip it. Consider for a moment-- what is your character's favorite song? (Or if your canon exists outside our current world, what would their favorite song be if they were sitting next to you right now?) Add that to the list, listen to other songs in the same genre or discography, and add songs you think they would like. These Do not have to be songs that fit the themes of your story-- such as, if you are writing a grimdark, but your character loves Britney Spears, add Toxic to your playlist. Give your character as vivid and real of intersts as your own.
If you are existing in a fantasy-based timeline, consider what kind of instruments your fantasy world would contain, and find the most niche tracks you possibly can using those intruments. Find out what sounds you like and what sounds you don't, and move forward from there. Listen to classical, listen to death metal, listen to pop, listen to synth, listen to folk, all using the instruments of your world. When you find sounds that fit into the place you are creating, add those tracks until you feel a genre is forming. This can be lyrical or non-lyrical, don't confine yourself. Immersion is so important, and the sounds of the world in which your character lives should be as real and vivid to you as the world around you. Because in that moment when you think 'huh, they should really have some sensory input right now.' You will be hearing what sounds they would hear in the distant public places, the elevator noise, the market sounds, the stillness of night, the bright waking of morning, and in all those places, there is music. Let them hear it.
Now, if you are existing in an earth-based timeline, you can do something extra cool with the advice above--- listen to music that your character would have listened to growing up. For example, I was born in the 90s, but my main character grew up between 1975-1990, that would have been the era of their childhood and teenage experience. And what is more important to kids than music, I mean, c'mon, we were all teens with a favorite (and least favorite song). Listen to songs of the time in genres you think your character would enjoy, and add ones you think they would want to hear on the radio or own a hardcopy of to your list. Don't add the ones you think they'd hate (unless it helps you), but do consider, would they hate this song? And why? For extra depth.
Think about their life. What song played at their wedding? What song was chosen for their class prom? What song did they sing at Summer Camp? What would they choose at Karaoke when they are sober? Which song would they choose when they're drunk? Which song do they want to hear during a break-up, what makes them want to dance? Do they like lyrical or instramental, can they play music or sing themselves? Are they bad at it? How do other people feel about their tastes? Do this for every character that's important to you. It'll help.
If you are writing inside your own culture, do make sure to include some of those tracks on your list--- things you may have heard at the supermarket growing up, or while walking down the street, in your grandma's kitchen, or something your character may reflect on fondly. If you are writing outside your culture, I have a single all encompassing tip that will help you far beyond playlists---
Research. Research to avoid stereotypes. Do not confine your characters within stereotypes, but do search for niches, inside jokes, cultural booms, impactful tracks and oft-referenced lyrics. Do this by asking questions. One thing I gleened immensely from Stephen King's On Writing is that he asked a lot of questions; do not rely on ChatGPT or Google to be your only source. Go to the Library, go to your neighbor, ask a stranger, post out polls on forums. Ask questions. The best way to be sensitive and immersed is to respect the experiences of the people around us. We do not need to water down or sanitize their experiences for our own comfort or with insecurity-- you will not fail your characters or your readers if you include the experiences of real people around you. The goal is to reflect that spark of life with accuracy and grace in your writing. You create multidimensional characters by sowing in bits and pieces of depth that you've gained through careful listening. To be a writer is to be a reader of the world around you. Only you can prevent flat characters, so don't be afraid to ask questions.
Now that you've done your research, add all that stuff to your playlist.
Let's look at your characters again; what do their voices sound like? Consider adding songs by artists that really sound like your character, especially if they have the same mood or feeling you are going for, but sometimes even not. If you can hear the voice of your work inside the song, it'll be useful. Some people have deep and graveled voices, some are light and airy, and the way they sound can affect speech patterns and how the people in the world around them percieve the things they say. This extra level of introspection can develop a character further than you would ever imagine. Give it a try. Writing an old man? Listen to Willie Nelson. Go on. Listen to Willie.
OKAY--- It's getting pretty chunky now, isn't it? I have one more thing for your to keep in mind;
Avoid pre-made playlists by others. These can often be surface level and I find myself wondering if my playlist is 'good enough' or has the right 'aesthetic' after listening to alot of these mood playlists on youtube. That isn't what matters. What matters is that you get in the zone. What matters is your characters. What matters is the flow, the vibe, the feeling, the mind-numbing waking hallucinations that bring life to the page, the mood. What matters is you and getting it on the page.
Always remember, write because it hurts if you don't.
til next time
#rowanwrites#rowanteaches#rowanwritestoomuch#rowanstips#creative writing#how to write#writers on tumblr#on writing#writeblr#ao3 writer#original fiction#fanfic tips#writing tips#writing advice#this might get a part two
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Thank You For Your Patience!! (Sinful Sunday Post)
As a thank you for being patient and sweet while I sorted my life out, I'm gonna post 4 lil Sinful Sunday snippets today! These will NOT be posted to ao3 until their debut! Get em while they're hot
Part 3: HOT TO GO!- Steve x Eddie x Billy
Chapter 3 Preview: 🔞👀😈
“Good job baby, already took half of it,” Steve praised, his cock brushing that special spot inside Eddie until he can't breathe, he knows there's still so much more cock to take. At one point, Eddie thought he'd taken it all, and then Steve adjusted his hips, and then the last few inches slide home and Eddie's vision blacked out. His knees buckled and the only thing holding him up was the two sets of hands holding him in place.
It's so good but it hurts worse than anything he's felt in a long time. Fuck, he wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact, he wished he could stay suspended in this feeling forever. Right on the precipice of oblivion, no synthetic or organic drugs could bring him this high, and he was addicted.
He's being stretched out further than he's taken in a long time and he’s losing the battle of overstimulation with every inch inward and forward.
Steve is helping stretch the feeling out, pulling him back on his cock while Billy sucks Eddie's dick into his mouth. Eddie’s brain shorts out again.
Billy's sucking him like he's taking Eddie's orgasm as a personal challenge and Eddie can barely keep up with the speed. The sounds are absolutely filthy and it fills the room beautifully.
"Oh shit," Steve gasps "oh my god, keep that up Billy, he’s squeezing so tight around me.”
“Billy, fuck,” Eddie cries, because he can’t focus on anything but the pleasure when he’s being dually stimulated like this. He knows Billy's sucking him to delirium for a purpose, but even after the mind blowing orgasm Billy is speed running him towards, he doesn't think-"I can’t," Eddie pants, "you both won't fit."
“Shh, sweetheart," Steve soothes, "you can do it, it's okay. we're gonna get you relaxed."
“Steeve..."
“You want to be good for us, don't you Eddie?
Eddie melts under Steve's honey-sweet tone. Enough it took Steve's blunt teeth in his neck for him to remember he was supposed to answer.
"Yes Daddy,” Eddie croaks.
"Good job. Just focus on me, and try and relax. Billy will take care of the rest.”
Eddie didn't have much time to think about it, because Billy's fingers pushing inside to stretch his hole severs the last of his conscious thought.
"Fuck," Eddie gasps and then he’s cumming. Hard and loudly all over his chest.
"There you go baby,” Steve soothes, “perfect, keep looking at me."
Eddie melted under the praise. It was everything he needed and he was relaxing under the stretch again.
“Almost there,” Billy says, pushing a second finger inside alongside Steve’s cock.
“You hear that baby? You can almost take Billy too. You'd like that, wouldn't you?”
“Fuck…” Eddie cries. In fantasy, yes, because he can take two, sometimes even a third in his dreams, but in real life his body feared for the painful stretch.
“Tell me to stop and I will,” Billy reassures.
That's enough assurance for Eddie to fully relax. Billy sinks in a few inches. Eddie's eyes roll into the back of his head as pleasure overrides every nerve in his body.
“There you go, nice job baby,” Steve praises, pressing kisses into his neck.
“Fuck, fuck,” Eddie mouths, head rolling on Steve's shoulder as Billy tries to push in deeper. He didn't know being pushed so far past his limits would have his cock ready to burst again but here he was, aching for Billy to either fuck him and make him cum or pull out and let him think. He doesn't have enough mental capacity to do both. “More,” he begs and hopes its the right move.
Billy pulls out, and he fears for the worst. But before he can miss the painful stretch of Billy’s cock its back, but with a dripping amount of lube. The glide goes so much smoother this time and Eddie is bucking hard into the thrust.
“Careful,” Steve warns but Eddie can't hear him. The blood in his ears is pounding too hard. He's too close to care about anything but reaching climax again. And if he can bring Billy and Steve over too, bonus.
“Please, please, I'm so fucking close,” Eddie trembles.
It's the magic word for Billy. He grips Eddie's hips tight and increases the speed of his thrusts. Steve's enormous dick was doing plenty of work just sitting inside Eddie, and now Billy’s cock piercing is dragging across his insides and Eddie is convinced he can feel his brain melting out of his ears. “P-pl- ah- y-yes- fuck- please!”
Steve swallows down his every moan, biting into his neck when he wants to hear him cry.
They stopped touching his dick but it doesn't matter, Eddie’s gonna cum again no matter what. the ache in his core is driving him feral. He needs it.
“Please,” Eddie whimpers.
“Go ahead baby, you did so good for us,”
Eddie's cock is pulsing and his ass can't stop clenching around the thick muscles inside it.
“T-thank you.”
“Still want to keep going,” Steve asks.
“Y-Yeah.”
Eddie whines as Billy starts to pull out.
“Billy can fuck you next," Steve says at the same time Billy says,
“I can wait my turn.”
“Okay,” Eddie nods, turning to pull Steve's lips to his own.
Steve snaps into him and Eddie’s head falls back. His ass is swollen and sore but fuck so is his prostate and with every thrust against it Eddie is finding overstimulation more and more addicting. “Oh my god. Fuck, that feels so good.”
“Not too sensitive?”
Eddie chuckles against his lips before groaning.
“I think I like it.”
“Painslut,” Billy snorts.
“What do you need baby,” Steve asks, starting a series of kisses down Eddie’s neck.
“H-Harder,” Eddie pleads, and he can feel the shape of Steve’s grin grow on his throat.
ao3 kofi insta
Read the other 3 here!
#sinful sunday post#metalsandwich#harringroveson#steddiegrove#steddilly#stranger things#eddie x steve x billy#billy x eddie x steve#steve x eddie x billy#steve harrington#billy hargrove#eddie munson#hot to go#find me on ao3#buy me a coffee?#sunwarmed ash#links in pinned#reblogs are free ways to support me!#i post new stuff every sunday#sinful sunday
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bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block
a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'
i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense
there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump
FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.
FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.
CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.
TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.
LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.
may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.
#“but bury these also sound like tips to combat depression!”#yes.#guy who is currently job hunting and has no money to go do things o(╥﹏╥)o#must remind myself its normal to struggle for inspiration when every day is just. wake up. worry about finding job. try to find job.#clean something. go on tumblr. go on discord. read some fanfic. sleep#no that sucks the brain needs flowers and fun and sunshine to thrive#buryspeaks.mp3#a lot in this case#writing advice#writers block#writing#fic writing#fandom#fic writers
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Can we talk about extroverted schizoids
Note: this is mostly related to my online self because no matter how hard I try to mask as friendly irl I end up looking like 😐 and people always ask if I'm uncomfortable around them even when I'm not and I'm just come off as reserved around them
But, when it comes to online interactions I love making acquaintances/gaming buddies or people who I can just simply interact with in a superficial manner. Because when my brain decides that my inner world or fantasies are not stimulating enough I feel killing myself and knowing a lot of people who I can call or play with it's very helpful, yes yes I'm completely fine with doing stuff on my own but other people can be interesting or funny as well, even if I don't get attached to them or reply to them like ever when they try to befriend me on a more intimate level, I feel more energized when I'm doing online group activities.
Well this also totally depends on my mood swings though because when I get suicidal/depressed enough I just detach from anyone and everyone and then come back as if nothing happened. People don't usually question it much, they're used to it, I never talk about my feelings after all and I'm the "always okay" and for the most time available friend.
It's cool because I simply go away when I'm fed with socializing and no one questions it because they're used to me doing or appearing when I want to!!
I think my false self is kind of bubbly and kind even when I'm 😐 on the inside, when I don't have the energy or stimulation to mask anymore my mood completely shatters and I feel like dying but it's okay it's just a few days of mood swings until I feel neutral enough to be "me" again! I also push myself to interact because I have this perfect perfection or joe my fake sense of self has to be presented and it also makes me want to die but it's been happening less these days.
Also starting pristiq today so 1. Hopefully my suicidal thoughts will go away OR 2. They'll intensify a lot more as it happened with previous medication
Extroverted schizoids interact pls I'm sure I'm not the only one!! Even when I'm typing this I'm making this with my online approachable vibe because it's automatic to me atp
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Frostbite & Mistletoe
Summary: An extremely long shift at a Christmas tree lot brings an unexpected customer with an unusual request. Agreeing to help Austin Butler acquire a Christmas tree leads you down a path of rather unexpected events.
Pairing: Austin Butler x Gender Neutral Reader
Warnings: Language, Holiday Fluff, Christmas Trees, Car Trouble, Cold, Snow, Exhaustion, Allusions to Mental Health Struggles, Mature/Explicit Themes [Hickeys/Love Bites, Oral – m/f receiving, Condoms, Lube, Manual Stimulation – m/f receiving, Penetrative Sex] – 18+ Only
Author’s Note: This is pure fantasy! While it’s fun to think of going home with a random celebrity, please try to be more circumspect in real life! Also - Thank you for your suspension of disbelief about the weather!
Word Count: 6179
Just twenty minutes more. In twenty minutes, you would be free of the longest day of your life.
Cincinnati, Ohio was certainly not the coldest place on earth but eight hours outside in an unprotected Christmas tree lot had chilled you to the bone. It was a tradition of yours, to volunteer for a few shifts and help raise money for the children’s hospital. It had proven to be one of those winter days where the temperature dropped by the hour and the person scheduled to take over for you never showed up.
Meanwhile, the weather had done nothing to deter the steady flow of customers. So as the sky clouded over, you had agreed to stay and help the next shift until closing at eight. Nineteen minutes to go. Walking down the aisles in your bright orange hi-vis vest, you were tidying and cataloguing the remaining trees. Yet another thing on the never-ending list of shortages and inflated prices. Demand was high as everyone was throwing themselves headlong into a holiday season with every cliché trimming. It was only day one and a third of the stock was already sold.
Over-sized, fluffy snowflakes had been gently falling for the past two hours; so light that they seemed to defy gravity, hanging in the air or some even floating back upwards. If one had to pick the best kind of snow, that would have to be it. The strains of Frank Sinatra’s Christmas Waltz reached your ears for what felt like the hundredth time that day, but you were practically euphoric at the prospect of going home in eighteen minutes and allowed your feet to shuffle across the snow-covered asphalt as you waltzed along to the music.
Frosted windowpanes
Candles gleaming inside
Painted candy canes
On the tree
Seventeen minutes. Spinning dramatically, you turned up the next aisle to continue tidying and collecting inventory.
It’s that time of year
“When the world falls in love, every song you hear…”
Your feet stumbled to an awkward stop as a rich, male voice joined in with Old Blue Eyes from right behind you. You turned quickly to see what you guessed was a long, lanky man bundled up in several layers including a baseball cap, hoodie, and peacoat. A man with azure eyes that were sparkling with mirth at having caught you waltzing to Christmas music in a tree lot.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you stop…it’s just such a good song…” He grinned, the movement drawing your eyes to his plush, pink lips framed by a golden-blonde goatee.
You hugged your clipboard to your chest as though it were armour that could protect you from your mortification.
“D…do you need any assistance?” You asked, forcing a professionally pleasant expression despite your embarrassment.
“Well…” He chuckled awkwardly, pulling at his lower lip with long, chilled-looking fingers. “I do have a bit of an odd request? I really, really want a tree, but I don’t have a car…Do you do delivery at all? I’d be happy to pay…”
You stared at him, brain struggling to process his request after such a long day.
“But…how did you get here?!” You blurted and winced as maybe that was not the best tone.
“Walked…” He grinned sheepishly. “I’m in town on business and pass by here every day with my driver. I came as soon as I could, but I don’t think I can carry a whole tree back to my rental…”
You swallowed thickly, closing the distance to an appropriate conversation proximity.
“How many blocks?” You asked, looking up at him. Definitely tall.
“Maybe ten?” He cocked an eyebrow, and you felt your throat tighten as you realized you had seen that face before. On a movie screen. On a tv screen. “Look I brought $200 to make it happen, happy to donate it to the cause…well causes. Your hospital and my sanity.” His laugh rang a little hollow.
Swallowing painfully, you managed to clear your throat.
“We close in…” You glanced at your watch. “Fifteen minutes. I have a roof-rack, I can help you.” You smiled softly, hoping to cheer him a little.
The way his eyes lit up…well, like a Christmas tree…brought warmth back into the chilled cheeks. His smile was infectious, and you felt the tired muscles of your face stretch to echo his grin. You took a moment to properly introduce yourself before getting back to business.
“So…what kind of tree are you looking for?” You asked.
He shrugged with an adorable, hopeless expression and shrug of his shoulders. You could not help the laugh that tumbled from your lips.
“Long needles or short?” You started simple.
“Short, like a fake tree but real.” He nodded authoritatively.
“Ok then, let’s walk away from these scotch pines.” You chuckled and led him over to the fir trees.
Working with his description of the space he wanted to fill, you helped him choose a six-foot douglas fir. You moved to pick it up, but he beat you to it, slinging the bundled tree over his shoulder. You paused a moment to appreciate the sheer physical presence of him before swallowing again tightly and leading him up to the cashier. He handed over his two one-hundred-dollar bills to the bewildered woman who, upon your explanation, beamed and tucked it into the cash box.
You handed in your inventory list to the site leader who thanked you for working a double with a great big hug. You shook your head warmly and promised to see him again next weekend, leading Austin over to your somewhat dated, compact SUV. The snow was falling thicker now, clinging to both of your outerwear, making everything dramatically whiter as you strapped the tree to your roof-rack.
“Do you know if your rental has a hacksaw?” You asked curiously.
“Yes! Yes, I checked that. There’s a tree stand, a whole box of decorations, and everything I need…except the tree.” He beamed proudly and you felt warmth emanating from your chest.
“And you’ve fixed that now too. Hop in.” You shook off some of the snow and slid into the driver’s seat as he did the same, sliding in across from you.
The vehicle seemed just as tired as you, the engine turning over sluggishly before it finally roared to life, and you found yourself able to exhale the breath you’d been holding. You cranked the heat before heading out into the rapidly accumulating snow.
“Well, I guess it’s fully winter now…” You muttered and followed his directions to a small home fairly close to downtown.
As your limbs began to thaw, a bone-deep ache of exhaustion bloomed throughout your body. You could not wait to crawl into the tub and stay there for hours, topping up the hot water as needed. You pulled into the driveway. Perched on the doorsills, the two of you worked together to untie the tree before you jumped down to help ease the tree to the ground as he slid it off the back. The angle cause all the accumulated snow on the tree to cascade onto your head and down the gap at the back of your collar. The pathetic gasp was completely involuntary, causing him to leap down and quickly take the tree, looking you over.
“Are you alright?!” He asked, resting the weight of it against his body and gently dusted the snow from your head and shoulders. “I’m so sorry…”
You smiled up at him wearily and shook your head.
“I should have seen that coming…” You sighed ruefully and carried the tree up to the porch.
Making sure the stand was ready in the living room, you held the tree as he cut a slice off the bottom of the trunk, under your instructions. You could tell he wasn’t the most natural handyman, but precision was not a huge concern here. Using the screws in the stand, you made sure the tree was standing up straight before filling the well with fresh water.
“You need to water it every day.” You instructed him as you ensured the heating vent behind the tree was closed. “And never leave the lights on when you’re not home.”
“Thank you.” He smiled as he saw you back out to your car. “Really, you have saved the holidays for me, thank you.” He repeatedly earnestly and held his arms open. “May I give you a hug?” He asked before sinking his teeth into his lower lip.
You regarded him with wide eyes for a moment before nodding shyly as you looked to the side and shuffled forward into those open arms. He wrapped them around you tightly, surrounding you in warmth and the heady scent of cinnamon and black pepper. Your exhaustion had you forgetting all sense of propriety as you leaned into his chest with a deep, contented sigh. You’d never fit so well into someone’s arms before…
With one last squeeze, he pulled back slightly.
“I should let you get home; you must be exhausted.” He smiled gently and you nodded, dumbstruck at how truly gorgeous this man was.
“I’m crawling into a hot bath and staying there until tomorrow.” You managed to murmur and tensed as you realized you were close enough to feel, as well as see, the warm puffs of air falling from his lips. “Have a good night.” You said quickly as you pulled back and waved somewhat awkwardly before climbing into the car.
As that sluggish, shuddering sound emanated from your engine once more, your initial reaction was denial. It worked last time, you just needed to try again. And again. And…and then it wasn’t even making a sound at all. You pressed your forehead to the steering wheel, taking deep calming breaths as the temptation to just cry was overwhelming. Thankfully you remembered your AAA membership and quickly dug out your phone and membership card.
Austin knocked on your window and you rolled it down.
“I’m gonna call for a boost…” You sighed and dialed the number on the back of the card.
“Come inside before you get frostbite…” He insisted, opening your door. You sighed as the recorded voice assured you ‘your call is important to us’ and followed him in without argument. It was nowhere near cold enough for frostbite, but his concern was genuine and touching.
You sat at the kitchen island and quietly watched him get a kettle boiling as the overly cheerful hold music played in your ear. As he shucked off his winter coat and pulled off his hoodie, you gulped audibly at the peek of his tanned, toned abdomen as his white t-shirt caught on the fabric.
“Put it on speaker, I don’t mind. Let me take your coat so you can warm up properly.” He smiled and held out his hand as you quietly obeyed. You could not help but watch the way his bicep bunched at the weight of your sodden jacket.
“Hello this is John speaking, how may I help you?” A human voice suddenly filled the room and you fumbled with the phone to answer as he took your coat to hang it up to dry.
“Six hours?!” You cried out incredulously at the service estimate and the agent issued a litany of apologies. You were furious and seriously questioning why you paid for this service, but poor John sounded just as tired as you felt, and you knew it wasn’t his fault. “Ok, thanks.” You ended the call and looked to Austin pathetically as he filled two mugs with tea bags and boiling water.
“Must be the cold and all the snow out there…” He murmured sympathetically.
“Yeah, I guess. I’ll get a cab or something and come back when they call.” You opened your ride share app and gasped at the wait times. Your last-ditch effort was the taxi app, but the fare estimate was murder.
Sliding a mug of tea to you, Austin leaned in.
“This is entirely my fault, please. Please just stay here until they can come.” He looked up at you pleading through his lashes. “There isn’t a tub but there’s a shower and I can get your clothes dry and…”
You blinked back tears of frustration yet again and took a shaky breath. The snow dump that had covered you had now melted in the warmth of his rental and had water dripping from the ends of your hair onto your shirt. Completely disarmed by cold and fatigue, you were helpless against that look. That pleading.
“Ok…” You breathed meekly and sniffed. “Sorry, it’s just been a hell of a day…” You apologized, gesturing at tears that had snuck into your eyes despite your best efforts.
He pulled you in for another reassuring hug and you sighed warmly.
“No apologies” He smiled and stepped back, holding out his hand. “C’mon, shower’s this way.”
You took it slowly with yours, marveling at the way his warm skin completely enveloped yours, making you shiver deeply.
“You’re freezing…” He frowned and tugged you to your feet before leading you quickly down the hall, past the stairs. “Robe for you to wear, stay as long as you like. Lock on the door too.” He touched the items as he mentioned them before stepping out to leave you in peace.
Stripping off your wet clothes, you stepped into the warm spray of the shower with a deep moan, not being mindful of your volume at all. It just felt far too good. You shuffled back to sit on the shower bench and let your skin soak in the warm water. After a good ten minutes you finally felt the ache and tension leave your muscles. Coming to your feet, you borrowed whatever was in the shower to wash your hair and body before you turned off the water. Stepping out in a cloud of steam, you towelled off before pulling your underclothes back on, putting the robe on top.
Carrying your damp clothes, you rejoined him in the kitchen, smiling softly to see him ladling hot soup into bowls.
“That was a lot shorter than I thought you’d be.” He smiled. “But I’ve got dinner ready!”
“Truly, this is beyond generous, thank you very, very much.” You shook your head in awe.
“Here let me put those in the dryer really quick. You eat.” He set a bowl and spoon on the counter and snagged your clothes before disappearing downstairs.
Sitting down, you dug in happily, groaning a little a how hungry you suddenly realized you were. You’d eaten nearly half before he reappeared to join you, chuckling and giving you a few pieces of bread to mop up every last drop. He sat beside you, eating his own bowl as you leaned heavily on the counter, making small talk about the weather or something. Honestly, now that you were fed and warm, you found it quite difficult to keep your eyes open.
“Why don’t we go sit on the couch…” He offered generously and you nodded, shuffling after him.
You grabbed the thick, cozy blanket that was draped over the back of it and wrapped it around your legs before sitting down carefully. Through your drooping eyelids as you watched him turn on the gas fireplace.
“So how long do I have to wait to decorate again?” He asked as he sat down at the other end of the couch.
Inhaling through your nose while rolling your shoulders back, you tried to wake yourself.
“A couple of hours. The branches will relax, and you’ll smell the pine when it’s ready.” You nodded before giving in to the temptation to rest your head back against the couch. You briefly felt a surge of guilt as you had a fleeting recognition that you were falling asleep but were too far gone to do a thing about it.
The sound of soft curses, muttered under Austin’s breath, sunk into your consciousness and your eyes flashed open. You were fully curled up on the couch, tucked under the blanket, and Austin was fighting with a tangled string of tree lights on the floor before you.
“Shit, I’m so sorry…” You hastily apologized and sat up. “How long was I asleep?”
He glanced at you before clearing his throat and looking back to the task before him. You glanced down at the gaping robe and quickly covered yourself, pulling the belt tight again.
“A couple. Don’t worry about it, I had some work to do. But now, now it’s time to decorate this tree. As long as I can get these untangled.” He muttered bitterly and you carefully slid to your knees on the floor across from him.
“Let me help.” You smiled softly and worked patiently at the various snags until all the lights were stretched out and ready to wrap the tree.
You looked over to it, smiling as it did indeed look perfectly ready to decorate.
“You picked a very nice one.” You carried the first string over to begin weaving the lights through the branches.
He beamed brightly and you were grateful that the tree bore the brunt of that blinding smile. For two people who had only met a few hours before, there was remarkably no sniping, and no heated comments as you worked together on a typically frustrating task. You were about halfway up the tree, and thus far your soundtrack had been Austin humming snippets of an assortment of holiday songs. The brief contact of his fingers against yours as you handed off the string of lights caused shivers of electricity to flash across your skin. You snuck glances at his profile while he was busily weaving the lights on his side of the tree, and felt, more than saw, him doing the same – the heat of his gaze tingling along your skin. He always looked away when you raised your head, however. That is until his eyes deliberately sought yours through the curtain of pine needles.
“May I ask you a question?” He asked solemnly.
His tone of voice was so serious it made you hesitate, uncertain if you were honestly awake enough to engage in a meaningful conversation while half-inserted into a tree. Straightening your back, you nodded, trying to convince yourself that there was little he could ask that would be truly catastrophic.
“Sure” You nodded, hoping your tone registered as light and care-free.
“Do you consider Die Hard to be a Christmas movie?” He continued in that serious tone but that spark of mischief was back in those sapphire eyes.
You stared at him, jaw slack, stunned. Leaning around the tree, trying to read if this was a joke of not, you saw his lips trembling with the effort not to smirk.
“I was fully prepared for you to ask me something….I don’t know, sensitive?!” You exclaimed with a guffaw of laughter.
“Some people find this a very sensitive topic!” He countered before losing control of his face and breaking out into giggles.
You could not help but join in, letting your head fall back as your laughter came from deep inside you, somehow erasing a large portion of your disgruntlement over the events of your no-good, terrible day. Eventually you were able to contain yourself and you cleared your throat before answering.
“Absolutely. It takes place during a Christmas party, features Christmas music, and Hans Gruber even says ‘ho ho ho’” You nodded emphatically.
“Ho, ho, ho” He grinned as he delivered a very convincing impersonation of Alan Rickman’s German accent.
After the laughter subsided you tilted your head.
“In that same vein….Is Hallelujah a Christmas song?” The lights were winding higher and it was a bit of a stretch for you….not for him though.
“Absolutely not.” He replied firmly, lips drawing into a thin line as he shook his head. “It’s literally about an intense and painful relationship. Nothing festive. Not even in the same orbit as the holidays.”
You nodded in agreement.
“This tree-decorating partnership can continue.” You grinned. “Though, I might just be support at this point.” You commented as he easily wrapped the lights all the way to the top before plugging the string into the star.
“Now we see how it looks!” He said excitedly, turning off the overhead light before plugging in the tree.
The glow of the multi-coloured lights was a comforting as a hug from each one of your holiday memories delivered directly to your heart.
“Incredible…” He sighed contentedly and you nodded, somewhat speechless.
You turned to look up at him, recalling that sense of heavy sadness he’d had when discussing his sanity back in the tree lot, and swallowed to see hit tanned face lit by both the tree and the firelight. He was a work of art come to life before your very eyes. The lines of worry had also eased across his features, leaving an adorable exuberance. You had a feeling that the duality of this man could easily obsess scholars for centuries…
So deep in your own thoughts you were, that you did not notice that his own eyes were tracing your features in turn, a contemplative expression falling over his face.
“Are you up to some more decorating?” He asked softly and you watched the way his lips caressed the words he spoke.
“Mmmmhm” You intoned, biting your lip at the hum of desire in your lower abdomen.
The glare of passing headlights beaming through the front window jarred you from your state and you cleared your throat, quickly kneeling to unpack the rest of the decorations from the box. You had already thrown caution to the wind and put yourself in a very vulnerable position with a total, albeit famous, stranger. There was no need to make it more complicated…despite the throb between your thighs.
“Definitely a coordinated person’s decorations…” You chuckled softly as you pulled eight boxes of matching Christmas ornaments in neutral shades.
Kneeling down across you he chuckled softly.
“Given how they decorated the rest of the house, this does not surprise me at all.” He hung a couple of them on his fingers before taking them to the tree to continue decorating.
Collecting your own assortment, you focused on the lower branches, being sure to reach in and hang some closer to the trunk to give the tree dimension. You did not notice the way the branches of the tree pulled at the robe, loosening it once more. Nor the way that it slipped off your shoulder as you knelt over the remaining boxes of ornaments, opening them up for ease of access. That is, until he knelt beside you, tracing the backs of his fingers across your shoulder and down your bicep. You shivered softly as his touch raised goosebumps in its wake.
“Mmmm sorry…” He murmured and leaned in to press an apologetic kiss to your skin with lips that felt just as soft as you had imagined. “Your skin just looks so soft…” He whispered, the tickle of his facial hair making you gasp raggedly.
As his eyes snapped to yours at that sound, a thrill of heat ran through you at their noticeably darker appearance. His lips stretched into something markedly predatory as he raised an eyebrow before slowly raising his eyes to the ceiling above you. You hesitated a moment before tilting your head back to follow his gaze, your entire body freezing at the sight of a swag of artificial mistletoe hanging from the light fixture. Leaning in, you felt his goatee tickle against your ear.
“Caught you…” He murmured.
The way his lips and warm breath caressed your skin made you tremble from head to toe. A choked-off sigh fell from his lips, and you turned your face towards his, noses brushing due to his proximity. Your eyes flicked up to his before falling back to his lips. You’d done the ‘right’ thing all damn day and it had led to an accidental double and a dead car. Now? Now you were going to do what you wanted.
“Better kiss me…don’t want any more bad luck…” You breathed shakily.
“Very true…” He whispered in return, hands rising to frame your face as he leaned in to close the last few inches of distance between you.
With a tilt of his head, he fit his lips firmly against yours. Your eyelids fluttered closed at the silky warmth of his mouth, your body turning towards his full as you reached up to cup his cheeks in return. He pulled back a little, looking over your face as your heavy breaths mingled in the space between you. You glanced up at his eyes briefly before pulling his lips back against yours, sighing happily. Licking at the seam of his lips, your tongue begged entrance.
He grunted happily and hungrily greeted your tongue with his, one hand traveling down your throat and over your shoulder to press against the flesh of your back beneath the robe, pulling you closer. You raised up on your knees to correct the height differential and raked your hands through his carefully tousled hair. You delighted in carding your hands through it, disordering it completely. A mutual need for air had your lips parting and you quickly pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses along his sharp jawline and down his neck to lap at the hollow of his throat.
With a soft growl, and eager arch of his neck, his hands moved to grasp the backs of your thighs and haul you up to straddle his lap. You whimpered against his damp skin and licked a wide stripe up along his adam’s apple back towards his lips. He caught your lips in a searing kiss, tongue pressing into your mouth eagerly, making you both hum happily at the delicious feeling of his wet muscle sliding against yours.
Wriggling a little, you encouraged the robe to gape open completely, allowing you to settle fully against the growing bulge in his jeans. His fingers slid up under the edges of the robe to grip at the skin of your hips, chest rumbling eagerly as you undulated against him. Pulling back, your chest heaved as you mewled at the feel of his teeth nibbling at your lower lip. Gripping at his shoulders, you ground against him with more intent, shivering as you felt his hands yanking at the knot in the robe’s sash. You dropped your hands to help him slide it completely from your body.
Supporting your spine with his forearm, he swept the ornament boxes to the side and lay you back on the plush rug. You stared up at him in awe as the glow of the fire caressed his features from behind you while the Christmas lights painted a riot of colour onto him from the side.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous…” You let the thoughts tumble from your lips without even trying to hold back.
You watched as he drank in your figure, only your underclothes obscuring his view, thumb and forefinger pinching and pulling at his lower lip.
“Bold words from a heavenly creature like yourself…” He whispered in a hushed sort of awe before covering your body with his, suckling your collarbone as his free hand traced along the planes of your chest and abdomen.
Arching into his touch needily, you began to gather the back of his t-shirt into your fists, pulling the hem higher before you tugged it up to his shoulders. He rose up briefly to shed the interfering cotton before quickly divesting you of your underclothes, baring you completely to his heated gaze.
“To think I got to unwrap you under my Christmas tree.” He grinned lopsidedly, eyes twinkling with that mischief as you rolled your own playfully at his seasonal corniness.
Chuckling to himself, he dragged his lips along your collarbone before kissing down your sternum. He briefly diverted to flick his tongue across each of your nipples before he continued his journey down your body. The muscles of your abdomen flinched at the tickle of his facial hair, making you chuckle breathlessly. His eyes, now nearly black as his pupils had devoured the blue of his irises, watched your face intently as he skipped over the desperate place that wanted his touch the most before pressing his lips to your right knee cap. His long fingers wrapped around the outside of your thighs and gently, yet insistently, parted your legs.
Sealing his lips around the tender flesh of your inner thigh, he sucked at your skin eagerly, drawing a shuddering gasp from beneath your breastbone.
“Austin…” You exhaled the extra oxygen that had brought into your lungs, fingers once again twining into his sandy locks.
He fairly purred against you before pulling back, licking his lips as he turned his head to treat your other thigh to the same, if only a little closer to where you really wanted his mouth. His fingers massaged your outer thighs as he sucked a series of deep purple marks higher and higher on your inner thighs until you were quivering with need.
“Please…” You keened and tugged on his hair as you felt his hot, damp exhales against the source of your pleasure, back arching and hips squirming as you ached for his mouth.
“Who am I to deny you…” He replied, voice roughened by desire before he, at last, lay his mouth against you.
Your anguished moan echoed through the room as you clenched your eyes shut tightly, chest heaving, breaths harsh. His hands wrapped around your hips, holding them down as they were bucking against his face needily. The familiar tingling began to blossom at the base of your spine, making your toes curl and heels dig into the rug.
“I’…I’m close…Austin!” You gasped out and then whimpered as he pulled his mouth away, eyes flashing open to watch him lick at his goatee-framed lips.
“Just wait right here…” He rasped; voice notably deeper.
He pressed a brief but fierce kiss to your lips before rising to his feet. You gnawed on your lower lip at the distinct outline of his cock in his jeans before he disappeared up the stairs. He was not gone a full minute before he returned with a bottle of lube at the telltale foil packet of a condom. Pushing yourself up with unsteady arms, you reached out to take said items from him to free up his hands. Setting them aside you waited until he stretched out on the rug beside you before pushing him to his back, pining him by straddling his hips as you kissed him hungrily.
He groaned hungrily into kiss as you ground along the length of him through his jeans before sliding back onto his thighs and working his belt and fly open. Inserting your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, you raised up to strip him entirely in one greedy motion, tossing the clothing aside as you settled back onto his thighs. Drinking in the sight of his needy cock, you picked up the bottle of lube, delighting in the way his length twitched as you drizzled it with the slick substance.
Your name fell from his lips needily as he gripped your thighs, hips straining towards you, raised from the rug. You swallowed thickly as you wrapped your hand around his girth, rutting against his thighs at the noise of pure sin that emanated from his throat. You could not get enough of the way expressions of pleasure flitted across his features as you traced his tip with your thumb before sliding your fist up and down the length of him torturously slow. His breathing was beginning to shallow, abdominal muscles trembling when you pulled your hand back. A taste of his own medicine while also ensuring he would last long enough to put that impressive cock inside you.
His eyes flashed open with a slight glare, but he sat up and grabbed the sides of your jaw, pulling you close for a sloppy kiss full of teeth and tongues. Groping blindly, you managed to locate a pillow on the couch and pulled it down to set it on the ground beside him, pulling back to stretch out on your front, hips propped up on said pillow as you looked at him meaningfully.
He did not need any further instruction, taking the lube in hand as he coated his fingers before easing them into your entrance with thoughtful patience.
“Fuck, look at you all needy and on offer for me…” He groaned and you pressed your forehead into the rug, shuddering with a groan of your own as he worked you open, preparing you for his sizeable length.
He pulled his fingers from you, and you canted your hips back, chasing the feeling as you glanced back at him over your shoulder. You watched with hooded eyes as he carefully rolled the protective latex over his cock, pumping it a few times indulgently, before stretching out over your body. Sinking into you slowly, inch by inch, you moan deeply at the stretch and fullness of him.
“Oh Austin!” You cried out, curling your fingers into rug.
“I know, oh fuck, I know” He panted, hands pressing into the backs of yours, fingers sliding between yours once he was seated inside you fully.
You felt his nose nuzzling against the nape of your neck, hips rocking against yours and, in turn, rocking the source of your pleasure into the pillow. You felt that same sucking pressure now against the back of your neck as he slowly slid out before quickly sliding back into you, leaving yet another mark on your body. Keeping your legs tightly together by squeezing them between his knees, he made sure you felt every single ridge and bulging vein of him as his rhythmic thrusts drove you both closer and closer toward release.
Each snap of his hips against yours had your body rocking forward, the rug applying delicious friction to your nipples, ripping pathetic whimpers and keens from you as your thighs between to quiver between his knees.
“You’re…going to…?” He panted against the damp mark on your neck, letting his teeth graze the sensitive skin.
“S’close.” You slurred in the plush fabric beneath you, arching back tightly against his torso.
“Oh yes…please…please…cum…for me….”He rambled, punctuating every few words with an insistent thrust of his hips that had your legs drumming against the floor as your release broke over you in waves of shimmering colour behind your eyelids and a nonsensical wail that ripped from your throat.
Pressing his face into the crook of your shoulder, his thrusts became erratic and sharper until he came with a hoarse cry of your name, rutting against you as he filled the condom. You could feel him trembling from head to toe above you, yet he still managed to carefully pull out and roll to the side before collapsing on the rug between you and the tree.
Resting your cheek against the rug, you drank in his debauched form, painted in ethereal, multicoloured light. Extracting the destroyed pillow from beneath you, you tossed it aside and shuffled to lay on your side next to him. Gently, you freed him from the condom, tying it closed and struggling to your feet to dispose of it in the washroom. Grabbing the blanket from the couch on your return, you cuddled up next to him, wrapping your still-trembling bodies in warmth.
He grinned at you warmly, kissing your forehead. You thought he might fall asleep, but instead he began asking you questions about your life in Cincinnati – job, friends, family, holiday traditions… You grinned a little as you were definitely doing this get-to-know-you thing in the wrong order, but you were happy to answer and ask him questions in kind. You ended up talking for hours in the low light, his fingers tracing the features of your face endlessly. Whenever his fingertips neared your lips, you would press a soft kiss to them. You did not notice who fell asleep first, though it was most likely you. The sounds of your phone ringing, however, jarred you both away in the deep, pre-dawn darkness. You struggled a little to answer it, blinking your brain into focus as a voice on the other end was saying something about your service call arriving soon…Groggily, you asked them to repeat the message before it clicked.
“Oh!” You exclaimed at the sudden return of cognitive function.
Looking down at the drowsy man beside you, his fingers stroking along your arm warmly, you swallowed and shook your head before remembering you needed to speak to communicate during a phone call.
“No longer needed, sorry I didn’t call sooner…no not at all…thank you…” You ended the call and turned to Austin as he sat up and kissed your shoulder warmly. “Bed?” You asked and he nodded quickly, helping you to your feet. You turned off the tree and the fireplace, before the pair of you headed up the stairs where you remained for the next twelve hours.
#austin butler x you#austin butler x reader#austin butler x y/n#austin butler x gn!reader#austin butler fic#austin butler imagine#austin butler smut#reader#y/n#reader insert#christmas imagine#holiday imagines#austin butler#blurredcolour
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THINGS WOT I HAVE LEARNT AFTER BEING VIRTUALLY HOUSEBOUND FOR 3 YEARS THAT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THOSE IN SELF ISOLATION AND/OR LOCKDOWN DURING THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC
(Background: I have a lifelong disability and am a wheelchair user. After surgery I’ve basically been stuck living and sleeping in one room for three years. These are things I have learnt which may help, though with the caveat that everyone is different, and baseline mental health varies.)
1. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WILL PROBABLY SUFFER - and although humans are social creatures, even the most introverted will chafe against boundaries enforced upon them by circumstance. The degree to which it suffers will be related to your mental health baseline and physical health. Understand that this IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Stimuli and enrichment methods are required. It’s why animals need such things in zoos and conservation parks. This leads us on to my next point.
2. COMPREHEND WHICH ACTIVITIES ARE ACTIVE AND PASSIVE FOR YOU Spending your confinement solely doing passive things (watching TV, Netflix, browsing the internet, scrolling through the internet) will take a load off your brain and make the time pass quicker. But if that’s all you do, the sense of disconnection increases over time. Activities which require you to *do* something, even if it’s just engaging your motor skills via video games, or lifting some cans of beans, or actively reading - these deliberate acts foster a tiny sense of achievement which gives your brain a dose of helpful chemicals. If you want to consider your activities, look up the work of Marshall McLuhan as regards “hot media” and “cold media” (See https://mediawiki.middlebury.edu/MIDD…/Hot_versus_cool_media for basic premise.) Balancing out your media intake with hot and cold activities keeps your brain active and pumping tasty neurotransmitters.
3. LIMIT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA USAGE TO SOCIAL PURPOSES. Infinite scrolling as found on many social media platforms is a hot medium, as per McLuhan. The reason Likes exist is to give that little spike of interactivity. It’s not a conspiracy to say many platforms are designed to keep you on them so they can show you more ads. (See also https://www.theguardian.com/…/has-dopamine-got-us-hooked-on… which explains the brain chemistry angle) However, DM’s and other messaging faculties are supremely useful. Use them to interact with your friends, indulge your fandom theories. Person to person interaction requires and enhances deep-seated neurological and biophysical reflexes. Text your mates. Skype/Facetime or otherwise call them. Use the technology of the 21st century for genuine social ends, deliberately. Catch up with their lives one to one or in groupchats.
4. PICK TIMES TO CHECK THE NEWS AND STICK TO THEM. This relates to point 3 - unfortunately we live in a 24hr news cycle, with constant liveblogging of important issues. This means that we’re constantly streaming anxiety inducing situations into our brains JUST IN CASE. That’s not helpful, particularly when you can’t actually DO anything about those events - the urge to DO something is why people are panic-buying. It’s a very basic primordial need to grab resources for defence. By picking times of the day to check news, you are again, making a DELIBERATE CHOICE, enacting some small level of agency, while at the same time limiting anxiety-inducing stimuli. If the news gets too much, then don’t check it as much - or at all - and do something else.
5. IF YOU DO THINGS WITH FRIENDS, SEE IF YOU CAN DO THEM ONLINE. Run that game of DnD/Other TTRPG you’ve been meaning to. Hold your book club online. Have a few drinks online over voice-chat if you are missing the pub. Hold watch parties for your favourite shows. The key, as ever, is to be engaged rather than passive. It’s harder if you’re ill, yes, but it can be done.
6. USE YOUR IMAGINATION TO CREATE THINGS. Write that fanfic. Start that novel. Design that game. Doodle. Paint. Humans have been creating since the day we became human. Consider things from the perspective of a pre-modern person. Make handprints on your own personal cave wall - contact each other and tell spooky stories. Build a complex fantasy world. Write an account of your confinement for some person to find pieces of years after you’re gone from the world. Think about a problem, and learn how to solve it via taking online classes (See http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses) Write an essay on your chosen passion or hyperfixation - nobody needs to read it but you. Treat yourself to intellectual stimulation, if that’s your thing.
7. IF YOU HAVE A SPIRITUAL. RITUAL, OR MEDITATIVE PRACTICE DO IT. It doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect, or limited in scope. This also includes atheists and those who despise woo - you have personal rituals, things you do that have Meaning to you as a person. Maybe it;s alphabetizing your music collection, or spring cleaning or cooking your favourite meal like grandma used to make. Humans have patterns they perform. When you perform them DELIBERATIVELY (or dare I say MINDFULLY) you become aware that these are the scaffolds that structure human life.
8. STRUCTURE YOUR TIME. Following on from 7, we often don’t realise the structure of our lives until it is disrupted. When that’s removed, our minds can go into freefall. If you’re isolated/in lockdown, oftentimes you won’t be able to access those structures. Rather than wait for them to to become accessible again and risk a period of feeling lost and directionless, which can enhance depression and anxiety, it’s best to develop a new structure based on the resources you have. It can be as loose or as strict as you like, but sticking to it allows us to develop a rhythm which makes time pass in recognisable fashion and gives us a sense of being-in-the-world as some sort of engaged process.
9. KEEP YOUR SLEEP PATTERN REGULAR AND LONG ENOUGH. The key here is REGULAR. Following on from 8, it’s important to keep your body well rested, as this aids your immune system and cuts down on the possibility of your body having to deal with stress . If you’re ill it’s harder to keep this regular, because sometimes your body just needs sleep to regenerate NOW. Equally in isolation, particularly if you’re feeling mentally low, it can be tempting to sleep forever, because y’know, you’re feeling low and what’s the point. (Of course the point is why we have 8 in particular, along with all the rest.)
OBVIOUSLY EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Particularly for those with disabilities or chronic illnesses, we may be even more limited in our activities while isolated than able bodied folks. That said, the key is to remember that certainly during this pandemic, and otherwise YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY. Rubbish as it may be, many are in the same boat. If it pleases you to, seek them out - see what commonalities you have, what hopes and dreams and fascinations you may share. FIND THE OTHERS - it’s what humans have always done.
Be well.
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paramedic school! Matsun
this is a selfish fantasy that I've had since I've been increasing my practice with starting IV's. still, i think the concept is...*chef's kiss*
warnings: puppy!reader (kinda), mentions of subspace, dumbification if you squint, fingering, a kind of cocky Issei.
He watches you struggling to assemble your IV dummy, and you blush as you grow frustrated, hair falling into your face and glasses fogging up in frustration.
"Babe~" you glance up from under your eyelashes, locking eyes with him. The defeated and vulnerable look on your faces get him, but he contains himself. Still, he brews a master plan to take little hold on his vulnerable smart girl.
Leaning into your helpful boyfriend, he pet your cheek gently, caressing the warm skin under his thumb. You blushed even more, nuzzling into his hand as you let the frustration melt away. "How about you just do some on me, hm? I'll sit nice and still, and you can stick me as many times as you like." His words felt like honey, but you knew something else had clouded his mind. Issei absolutely adored helping you study, but this time there seemed to be an ulterior motive.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't start fantasizing when he saw you standing of the IV arm, clothed heat lingering at the fingertips. That combined with your huffing, whining and bashful features were driving him mad. He needed to feel the plushness of your cunny, to feel the vulnerability you so easily exuded around him. This vulnerability was almost unique to him; you never allowed anyone to see you so pliant and docile in the real world, but for your lover you'd be as small as you could. He adored that, the way you would melt only for him.
So here he sat, arm splayed out on the table as you assembled all of your equipment. As you started arranging needles and flush kits, his eyes traced your frame, admiring the cute little polka dot dress that made you look like his little housewife, the way your ankle socks made you so dainty, but his favorite part had to be the blush of your cheeks. He couldn't stop his mind from racing, dipping deep into the darker depth of his fantasies, wanting nothing more than to corrupt you. He lived for how shy you got the moment he touched you, how you withdrew out of bashfulness, never letting his touch linger unnoticed. He was dying to see your will wear thin.
After assembling all of your equipment, you stood over his hand, fingertips dangerously close to the hem of your lovely dress, and his eyes traced the length of his arms, stopping at their target. He hummed to himself, watching as your carefully maneuvered, pressing on the flesh of his forearm to search for a good vein. "So many good choices," you whispered cheerfully, eyebrows furrowed in intent to find the perfect one. He grins, his girl truly was incredible. Still, he ached deep down to see the less composed, more submissive angel he adored.
"Hmph," you huffed, manipulating his arm in a way that placed his fingertips just under the hem of your dress, inches away from your heat. He chuckled to himself at your innocence, the way you didn't notice how dangerously close he was to bringing you to a crumbling ball of submissiveness. He grinned, watching you intently as you leaned over once more, pressing on the sponginess of the vein. You leaned to grasp a cleansing pad, feeling his index finger grazed your clothed cunny. Your cheeks warmed in embarrasment, but you refused to make a big deal of it. Your boyfriend probably did it unintentionally, and for you to mention it would make this weird, right? Still, you couldn't deny the wetness pooling in your nether regions.
He noticed. He noticed the tenseness of your body, the slight gasp you tried to hide with a cough, and most importantly, the wetness that accompanied his featherlike touch. "Come on, smart girl. Stick me~" he grinned tauntingly, eyes glinting mischievously at you. You nodded, moving to clean the pre-determined spot of action. Just as you leaned to trace the vein once more, he pressed his fingertips directly between your clothed folds, gently running his fingers between them, spreading the wetness there. An involuntary whimper fled your lips, thighs immediately going to clamp his hand there. "Oh~?" You squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, ashamed that you had allowed yourself to make such a lewd sound. "Open your eyes, puppy~" He knew what he was doing. The name made your knees weaker and along with them went your determined demeanor. He was able to reduce you to a pool of subspace, but you still had some fight in you.
"Issei, stop it." You huffed, but that attitude did not go over well. Once again, Issei dragged his fingers over your throbbing cunny, being sure to spread your wetness more. With one gentle flick of your covered clit, you had dropped the needle and given up on the practice scenario. Issei stared at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world, watching you attempt to remain level-headed. He grinned cheekily, tisking at you for fighting so hard. "Aw puppy, come on now~" he teased, using stealth to slide your cotton panties aside and run his fingers through your slick. The caress of his fingers were turning your brain to mush, and without thinking your hips began rocking against his hand, quiet whimpers and huffs leaving your lips.
A groan left his lips as he watched his beautiful girl grow dumb for him, so needy for him. Your cheeks were blushed, eyes squeezed shut with your bottom lip tucked between your teeth as your hips rut against his hand, shame far gone from the scene. Matsun's pants grew tighter at the sight, but he held himself together, trying to draw out the scene for as long as he could. He lived for the slow melting that happened with you, for the way you slowly let him consume you. He was addicted to you, addicted to the warmth of your cunny.
"Please, Daddy~". There it was. This is what he had been dying to hear from the moment he saw your hovering over your IV hand. He knew he needed it, the beautiful subby baby he adored. He needed the baby that needed her daddy to soothe her aching cunny. A breathy whine fell from your lips, and he could tell he wasn't satisfying you as much as you needed. He poor pup needed the extra clit stimulation to cum, but he wasn't satisfied with your current mind state. He needed to break you.
"You look so pathetic grinding on your patient's hand, pup. Do you hump all your patients, hm?" he scoffed, chuckling sadisticly at the heated huff that left your lips. He looked up at you, watching as a scowl fell on your features and your hips stuttered in self-abhoration. "Well~" 'O-only, ~hmph, only y-you,' you whimpered, reaching out to touch him finally. You hands found his shoulders blindly, and he grinned once more at his clever girl. He adored the intimacy of your shyness, how it placed him front row of a show no one else ever got to see. He needed moments like these, moments where he could absolutely wreck you. Still, he took his time.
"Puppy, look at me." As your eyes fluttered open, Matsun allowed a two digits to grace your spongy walls, caressing them in a tantalizing motion, causing a gasp of defeat to leave your lips. "There's my pretty little puppy," he praised, using his free hand to gently pinch your clit, causing your hips to rock frantically. "If you cum, pup, you will owe me several more," he scolded, feeling the way your angelsoft cunny squeezed him. "B-but, please daddy~" you whimpered, tears from frustration flowing softly down your cheeks. He almost creamed right there, watching you writhe with the impending fucked out physique and teary eyes. He knew he was all you could see, all you could feel. He consumed you, and all from a few simple touches. Seeing his pretty baby crying, so needy, that was enough to make his pants unbearably tight and tip beyond swollen and sensitive.
He couldn't relent any further, he needed to make you cum right here, in the position he fantasized about since he laid eyes on you and that silly IV arm. Your orgasm hit you like a train, creaming and whining all over him, tears flowing with every convulsion. When you came down, he slowly withdrew his hand, but you weren't quite done. He'd pushed you so far into sub space, you needed your daddy to be with you, to be in you. With teary eyes, you clambered into his lap, begging him to fuck you, to let you feel him stretching you.
"I don't know baby, that sounds like too much~" he relented, not out of concern, out of his sadistic need to have you dumb for him. he lived for being needed, and with every beg his cock twitched. You were so dumb for him, so silly. The tears kept flowing, and he kept using his thumbs to gently wipe them away, but you pressed on. Your hips worked down on him, and he hissed with each movement, loving how desperate you got for him. After little convincing and several tears, he spreads you open on the table. He thanks the IV dummy.
#matsukawa x you#matsukawa x y/n#matsukawa x reader#aoba josai x reader#matsun smut#issei smut#matsukawa fic#hq smut#hq headcanons#paramedic!au#hq au#haikyu x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! smut#hq drabble#haikyuu!! drabble#matsukawa brain rot#matsukawa hcs#haikyuu!! headcanons#matsukawa issei#minors dni#dom!matsukawa#daddy!kink#pup's thots#mine#haikyuu!! timeskip#haikyuu au#matsukawa smut#matsukawa supremacy#puppy!reader
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Thinking about this post (about Labyrinth and teenage girls and dark sexual fantasy) and sexual maturity and like...
Maturity, for human beings to mature, is the unfolding of genetic potential over time and experience. Our brains are born half-baked and have to be shaped by our environment. For example, I was born with the capacity to learn Cantonese; but as nobody ever spoke Cantonese to me, that capacity went unrealized, so if I want to learn it now, I have to struggle to bring those capabilities to fruition.
This comes up in my work in mental health, with regards to emotional maturity. Emotional maturity, in large part, is the ability to perceive and understand your own emotional needs; to be able to tell which are valid and important and which are unhelpful or disproportionate; to have a variety of skills, habits, and abilities which will address those needs; and to be able to tell which ways of coping are appropriate for which situation. We teach classes, entire curriculums, on getting in touch with your emotions and mastering your responses to them.
We don’t talk about “sexual maturity” in nearly the same way. “Sexual maturity” gets talked about like... “Congrats, 10-year-old girl! You’ve got your period, which means you’re now a woman capable of bearing a child! You’re sexually mature!” which is SO fucked up.
Proposing “sexual maturity” in a way parallel to “emotional maturity” kind of shakes me to my bones. I can’t imagine going into all the institutions that shaped me when I grew up and saying, “You are neglecting an important part of the development of the children you serve. For them to become healthy and mature adults, they need to be able to understand their sexual needs and desires, or lack thereof; understand how to judge whether a sexual experience is desirable and healthy, or unhealthy or aversive; to be able to recognize lack of desire or attraction, and be able to set boundaries, reject unwanted intimacy, and refuse unwanted sex; to learn a variety of skills, habits, and abilities (like using fantasy, self-stimulation, artistic expression, role-play, or genuine sexual encounter) with which to meet their needs in healthy ways; to care about the autonomy, feelings, and needs of other people with whom they interact; and to be able to tell which ways of meeting their needs are appropriate given the situation and person they are with.”
Or, well, I can imagine. I can imagine getting thrown out of every school, church, community league, and Girl Guide troop I tried it in. “You want us to teach these children WHAT?” Because suggesting that children be taught about something is tantamount to suggesting they be abused, dragged into a foreign world into which they might hopefully never wander otherwise.
I’ve been digging deep into sex and society lately and am so struck, over and over, with how much my culture of origin (Anglo-European, North American, Christian) absolutely valorizes sexual immaturity. In a world where sex is “dirty”, complete ignorance of sex--both in general, and your own sexuality in particular--is seen as “pure”, as “innocent”. As desirable. The very knowledge of your own sexual desires degrades you as a person.
I guess it’s because I am a Christian, I know a lot of current or former Christians, who feel very betrayed by purity culture’s fundamental promise of a beautiful romantic life: You don’t have to become sexually mature to have all your needs met. They will be met for you. What you have to do to earn this future is to stay pure and don’t understand, express, or explore your sexuality in any way.
This means that we were promised that if we never thought about sex, never thought about what we wanted or needed a day in our lives, one day someone would come along who would know for us and make sure all our needs were met. And the more we tried to understand or meet those needs ourselves, the more we polluted ourselves and ruined our chances of obtaining that beautiful future partnership.
I grew up trying to ignore the bitter stories of former Christians who discovered sex and found it really great and left their faith. But what I found--and what a lot of the people I’ve talked to lately found--was that instead, we discovered our faith, our chastity, wasn’t getting us what we’d been promised; instead it made us dry, desiccated, unhappy, unfulfilled, lonely, and full of shame. We didn’t leave the Church for the arms of a willing lover; we left it for a lonely road to a world where we had to shift for ourselves, and we’d been specifically discouraged from ever learning any of the skills that would let us do that. We left it for Tinder profiles and a bunch of matches we didn’t even know what we’d do with, if we ever got them.
Especially for women, and for LGBTQ+ people--and especially for those of us who are both--this legacy of silence, shame, and neglect isn’t just a trauma in the past; it’s an active impediment to the present and future. We’re pressed in on all sides between dating tips to “Be confident! Just be yourself!”, positivity culture that says, “Love your body! Enjoy having sex!”, and purity police hunting down “deviant perverts” whenever we try to express how shameful and frightening sex can be, or try to imagine our way forward with it. Instead we just pick at each other and post memes about “useless lesbians” and don’t rock the boat by questioning how we got here or how we’re getting out.
The one thing I know about shame is that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you feel ashamed, and act like that shame is right, you become even more entrapped in a world of secrecy, silence, and judgment. It’s only when you admit it’s there but deny its legitimacy that you gain any ground.
So I’m talking about it. And I think the only real way forward is for us to... keep talking about it.
#staranise original#let the soft animal of your body love what it loves#lgbt discourse#fandom anti culture
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10th House and Daddy issues (This is also applicable to any father like figures in your life not only your biological one. It also sheds some light on what would you be like as a father/father-figure)
✤ Aries in 10th house ✤
✤You and your father have a hot and intense relationship. There’s is such a difference in power where your father implemented their dominance and rules over you, creating an unbalanced relationship. They have a tendency to one up you and be competitive over the simplest of things, creating a wedge very early on.
✤Your daddy issues played with your self confidence. You’re unsure of yourself and your decisions, often going along with it just to avoid conflict . You have a fear of loud noise and screaming, and feel very uncomfortable around others.
✤As a father figure you’re strict and upfront. Growing up with a no-nonsense father made you knowledgeable of both sides and any tactics your kids could use. Cause you been there, you’ve done that. However, you won’t repeat your fathers mistakes and would allow your kids to have their time to shine and enjoy life.
✤You’re into romantic daddies that exude confidence effortlessly rather than force it. Love to travel, preferably works in a high risk job or even can be in the mafia so you can live that godfather fantasy.
✤ Taurus in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was very strong willed, stern and stubborn. You two had a hard time when having any conversation. Disagreeing leads to an argument and they had to have the last word. No word is above theirs.
✤Your daddy issues made you a conformist. You approve of others ,even if you disagree, and keep your true opinion to yourself. You doubt your capabilities, work, undermine your contributions and believe that your thoughts are wrong or irrelevant.
✤As a father figure you’re stern but kind. Your time with your father taught you how to listen and now it’s time to talk. You will make a clear set of things that have to go your way but allow your kids to have a say when it comes to other things. You will be conflicted and get scared of imaging your father so you gotta find a balance in there.
✤You’re into daddies that treat you like the king/queen that you’re. Clothes, food, mansions, yacht, flying around the world. You want someone give you what your father never did. Very Lana Del Rey.
✤ Gemini in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was very childish and immature, possibly having little to no respect for anyone. They’re the father and they can do whatever they want. They didn’t mind their business and were always in yours, violating your privacy made you a very sneaky person and a big time liar. They would sit around while you’re with your friends, making fun of, embarrassing you, humiliating you all at your own expense and to please their tiny fragile ego.
✤Your daddy issues developed a hate for childlike behavior and immaturity. You’re intolerant to pranks, roasts and other unsavory acts. You’re quick to take it personally.
✤As a father figure you’re a vicious protector. No one can come to your kid with that playground bullshit. You’re quick to shut it down. Your children grow very dependent on you emotionally, rendering them immature in some ways.
✤You’re into a smart daddy, very career man, educated and highly knowledgeable. Someone that can take you to the world wonders rather than just talk about then, a person of their words and keep promises. They highly stimulate you, Intellectually of course.
✤ Cancer in 10th house ✤
✤Your father enforced their ideals and beliefs on you. You were not allowed to do anything without them approving of it first. Friends, clothes, video games, social media, music and even food, they had the say on what’s comes and goes.
✤Your daddy issues made you a rebel. You go against any rules, and don’t like to be told what to do, you like to be shocking and be controversial. Think religious girl gone wild, like Madonna or Katy Perry.
✤As a father figure you cherish your kids for who they are and give them the liberty of being their own person. The down side is that your kids have little respect for rules and others wishes and personal space. Disciplining them is especially difficult since they do as they please with no regards cause “I am my own person and I do as I please.”
✤You’re in love with daddies with power that are very macho and masculine. Police officers and criminals are a big part of the fantasy. Being with a powerful daddy makes you feel feminine and like a whole woman.
✤ Leo in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was an unbearable self centered overlord. They took good care of themselves but gave just the bare minimum to you. They drove good cars, slept on a good mattress, flied first class and wore designer clothes. You on the other hand took public transport or drove an old used car, slept on their old jacked up mattress, was lucky to even get on the trip and wore the same old clothes.
✤Your daddy issues made you self sufficient. Your independence made relationships seem pointless, you were provided everything to yourself so no one compared. People are expandable so they have to prove their worth and purpose.
✤Being a father figure you taught your children how to be on their own. They cleaned after themselves and were responsible for themselves, as much as a child can. You gave them tough love when needed but also gave them the freedom of learning and living their life to the fullest. Your motto is “when you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready”.
✤You’re into dominating and different power dynamics. Pool boy, the Gardner, a coach, a secretary, you like to dominate and have sex with a young daddy. Meow cougar.
✤ Virgo in 10th house ✤
✤Your father had set up relentless standards that were basically impossible to achieve. Being good was expected and a most, but every fall or second place made all those achievements disappear. Completely destroying your self-esteem.
✤Your daddy issues made you a perfectionist that is hard to please. Everything has to be a certain way or else it’s all going to the trash and in vain. Your father’s disappointed words play on a loop in your made. To the world you’re the best of the best, but on the inside you’re your own worst critique and enemy.
✤As a father figure you’re your kids biggest supporter. You don’t only give them advice but teach them the tools to be great at solving problems.You can be at times over critical with how things should be done but you’re not opposed to your children correcting you or doing it their on way. Sometimes.
✤You want a daddy who got it all. The wealth, the prestige, the brains and the career. You want someone that will not only fulfill your physical needs but also give something priceless, knowledge and know-how.
✤ Libra in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was pushover that cared more about others opinions over your own happiness and individuality. He was easily played by others and didn’t defend you. He isn’t around when you need him and is very dependent on others.
✤Your daddy issues made you an independent go getter. You’re socially skilled thanks to years of raising yourself on how to dodge uncalled for comments from family members, and have a good balance between giving people a second chance and stand in your ground.
✤As a father figure you’re a fair minded person that treats every child specifically based on how they’re and their needs. You value honesty and doing what is right, you teach your kids to learn from their mistakes. That means they will be given a second chance as well as suffer the consequences of their actions.
✤You’re into cheesy romantic things, you love to be pampered and be taken care of your. That means daddy got to have a good bank accounts, since wine, diner, flowers and diamonds don’t come cheap and so does you.
✤ Scorpio in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was very critical of you and had difficult expectations for you. They asserted themselves over you by meddling all aspects of your life to make you “theirs” forever.
✤Your daddy issues made you a cut-throat straight up over achiever. An everyday politicians, you know how to manipulate and change minds. Growing up with your father made you strong willed and assertive, no one can get through your icy thick walls.
✤As a father figure you give what was not given to you as a child, freedom and no expectations. You raise your children to be smart, strong and capable humans that won’t need others.
✤Your daddy issues made yearn for love and affection. Living a love story is something no one would guess that you’re looking for, but that’s because they don’t know you.
✤ Sagittarius in 10th house ✤
✤Your father inconsistent in your life. One minute they’re cold, the other they’re hot, first it’s left and then it’s right. Living with your father was crazy to say the least. Their inconsistency made it difficult feel safe or stable in anything.
✤Your daddy issues reflected badly on your behavior. Early on you were flaky, late, lazy and felt abandoned from all those times your father forgot and wasn’t there. Then the cycle switch and you start taking your life very seriously, the idea of being your father or seeing their behavior in other boiled you. You’re a straight shooter that stuck to their guns no matter what.
✤As a father figure, you try to always be there for your kids. You want to make memories with them and document everything so those memories will live forever. It is very hard for you to get over your father but making up with your kids help.
✤You’re into adventures daddies that are not afraid to take risks and live life to it’s fullest. You love making memories, especially if it’s in a foreign country at night where anythings feels possible.
✤ Capricorn in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was a nit picky authoritarian that meddled with all aspects of your life. For the most past of your childhood you were not to be exposed to anything they disagreed with and you were very sheltered. Your teen years were weird and awkward since the way they brought you up made them the only person that was there and had any effect on you.
✤Your daddy issues rendered you incapable of holding social interaction and lacking real knowledge of the world. You emerged in your young adult years as a child again, as if you truly started to live from the moment you left your father behind.
✤As a father figure you’re precise and attentive. You remember a lot about your kids, and you gave them all that they needed physically and emotionally. Because of the way you were brought up, you can get overly protective and paranoid over their safety and who they’re with. Although you can be suffocating to them, no one can deny that you raised your children to be well educated and wholesome people.
✤Your daddy issues made you crave someone that holds a powerful or influential position. Politicians and religious figures make a big part of the sexual fantasy. Reliving being dominated by someone like that is a secret that you keep that you will never tell.
✤ Aquarius in 10th house ✤
✤Your father was more focused on their work and external affairs. You felt abandoned and unheard growing up, where your issues were not as important and that you should be grateful for what you have.
✤Your daddy issues made crave attention and being wanted. You feel angered when unheard and would do anything so people would like you. Growing up with your father, however, made you value your life goals and passions.
✤As a father figure you’re a mentor and teacher. You teach your kids through actions and show them their true potential and strength. Helping them grow into a great human being is more important than being successful.
✤You’re into an easy going daddy that showers you with all the attention you crave. Someone that’ll spoon you but also knows how to use non physical communications. You want someone that can take you far away.
✤ Pisces in 10th house ✤
✤Your father undermined your work and treated you like a child. There was never true praise and they didn’t take you seriously, making you feel unworthy and incapable. Growing up, they always took your comments, opinions, and thoughts as a cute little from their baby that doesn’t know better.
✤Your daddy issues made you dependent and lazy. You’re emotionally immature and can’t handle the pressure of everyday life. You don’t give yourself credit for the work you’ve done and on bad day you expect others to do the work for you, whether it’s to make you feel better or run a simple errand, dependency, work and individuality are things you will always struggle with.
✤As a father figure you’re pushover. You give your kids all the attention and things they want as a way to fulfill your deprived child self.This may grow into a problem though, since living vicariously through your kids never works out well.
✤You want a daddy that will baby you and make you feel like the princess/prince that you always dreamed to be. They’ll give you the fairy tale fantasy you used read, a romance just like in the movies and gives you the type of love you always hear about in songs but never saw in real life.
#zodiac#zodiac signs#signs#astrology#10th House#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#Sagittarius#Capricorn#Aquarius#pisces#aries in 10th house#taurus in 10th house#gemini in 10th house#cancer in 10th house#leo in 10th house#virgo in 10th house#libra in 10th house#scorpio in 10th house#sagittarius in 10th house#capricorn in 10th house#aquarius in 10th house#pisces in 10th house#10th house and daddy issues
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[1:35AM]
smut
inspo
“I think I might pass out.”
The body below you stiffens when the words leave your mouth. Calloused hands grip your thighs, and a quiet concerned hum rumbles through his chest, rattling your body when it reaches his lower stomach where you’re perched.
“But like,” your nails claw at his shirt as you shift around, your eyes squinted and glossy as your foggy brain builds a sentence, “in a good way. I like it.”
Jaebeom hums again, quiet and raspy as he reaches to grab his abandoned joint from the ashtray by his head, his other hand running up your thigh, traveling to pet at the skin of your back from under your shirt.
The fogginess of your mind could be easily explained. The small space of Jaebeom’s room was dimmed and clouded in smoke. A soft and heavy based song shaking the floor from the large speaker he kept shoved in the corner, a long string of blue LED’s being the only source of light. All this combined with the sturdiness of his body below you, and the buzz you got from the few shot guns you had pulled from his mouth within the past couple of hours, making you feel like you were floating above the thin mattress that he had laid on his floor.
You weren’t surprised that this is how your meeting with Jaebeom had ended, it ended here more than a few times once you started entering his room. More often than not, when you would nervously knock on his door, he was quick to pull you in, perch you straddled right on top of him, rolled a joint as you curiously stared, and push the smoke into your mouth as an excuse to slip his tongue behind your teeth. So no, you weren’t surprised, you definitely were not upset, but it wasn’t in your plan.
Outside of the warm, smoke filled room, you a Jaebeom were partial to a game of cat and mouse. In the world outside the walls of this room, you and Jaebeom would only spend time together in the form of a gathering of your mutual friends. Exchanging only a few words with the conversation called for it and spending the rest of the time sharing lingering glances. Sober you were more guarded and coyer, and Jaebeom cockier and more laidback. Both too proud to make a move outside of the ‘come over’ text you would receive late at night when he wanted your weight on top of him and his hands on your skin. The warm, cuddly bodies clouded in smoke and whispering secrets into the air, would be offended by the disconnected relationship that you two shared.
That had been your planned topic of conversation when you accepted his invitation. It wasn’t long before the late nights filled with shared highs and desperate tongues, made your skin itch for more. The weighted question of ‘what are we’ laid heavy in your mind, and would only gain weight when after a long night of pressing your mouths together like they spilled an air that was keeping you alive, would simply end with the boy below you would wrap an arm around your waist, pull you to the bed, and wrap his frame around yours, before falling into a deep sleep, usually when the sun would begin to rise.
It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex with him. The thought was swirling in your mind often, especially when you found yourself alone in your own bed at night, the only warm hands petting your body being your own, but it had yet to happen. Regardless of it being a reoccurring fantasy, the idea made you too nervous to make a move, and Jaebeom seemed far too content with the same motions every time. But, even with your nerves you were becoming antsy.
“C’mere,” he plucked the joint from his lips, his voice strained and the grin on his lips tight as he held the smoke in. The hand up your shirt presses into the center of your back, fingertips digging into your skin, making you lean forward, your hands going to press into the mattress next to his head to hold yourself up.
When your noses press together, he lifts his free hand to grip the back of your neck, his grip and his lips equally rough when they brush against yours. You quickly breath out before he opens his mouth and slots his lips with yours. Smoke spills from the corners of your mouth as it leaves his lungs, the smoke resparking the light buzz that had begun to fade. The heat from his mouth and the smell of his cologne adding to the way your body tingles.
A soft grin can be felt when he presses his mouth fully against yours, his tongue is quick to enter your mouth and lick at yours making you whine. Your shoulders pull towards your ears as you reach to tangle your fingers into his long hair, the way his hands fall to dig into your waist below your ribs and the feeling of his teeth biting at your lips makes you tense and tug at his roots.
A groan vibrates from his chest and into yours as he pulls you flush against him, almost no space between you as the heat of his mouth works against yours. Any other time, this would continue for the rest of the night, just pulling and biting at one another, but the way his thumb slips under the fabric of your bralette and digs into the skin below your breast, and the heat of his body that could be felt between your legs, felt like a electric spark to your system, making you hit your breaking point.
“Jae,” your voice is unrecognizable to your own ear as you whine out, your face tucking into his neck as you begin to nip and lick at the sensitive skin, your hips gently rocking against his torso.
He lets out an amused and curious hum as he continues to knead at your skin, one hand slipping down to grab at your upper thigh and squeezing. The roughness of his hands makes you whine and bite down on the skin protecting his jugular. He lets out a deep groan and holds on tighter, the way his hips knock up into the air not going unnoticed by you.
“Jaebeom, please,” you whimper into his neck and lick gently at his skin, your nails digging into his scalp.
“Please what baby?” there’s a teasing glint to his tone and his hand goes higher on your thigh, his tips of his fingers tucking into the band of the bottom of your underwear, “tell me what you need.”
The way he speaks is foreign to you, a suggestive and teasing tone you’re not used to. The way his words hit your core heating your entire body, your arms going to wrap around his neck in a hug as your hips shift back to press into his hold.
“Please, I need you,” your surprise of your sudden change in tone does nothing to smother the want that builds in your lower stomach and heat that forms in your panties, your thighs tensing in an urge to press together, only being stopped by his sturdy form pressing them apart.
He quietly curses under his breath as how needy you sound, a tone he never expected to come from you, but in no way uninvited, “didn’t know you were so desperate for me baby,” his doting tone and the way his mouth works against your earlobe making the slightly degrading words shoot sharp stabs of arousal into your stomach, “fuck if I wasn’t high out of my mind I’d ruin you.”
His words make you pout and slightly pull away, your noses pressing together as you look into his eyes, “please Jae, I need you.”
He hums and gently nods, as his foggy brain slowly pieces together his thoughts, a smile slowly pulling on his lips, “I’ve got you,” he promises as his hand runs to grab at the waistband of your underwear, his eyes squinting as he tugs on the fabric, “I’m not gonna leave you hanging.”
He pulls at your underwear until they strain around your thighs, the desperation in your brain making you start to wiggle until they finally get low enough to kick off and disappear into the tangled fabric of his sheets.
“Can you sit up for me sweetheart?” his thumbs digging into the skin under your ribs as he lifts you away. You reluctantly pull away and sit up, your hands pressing into his chest.
His lip tucks between his teeth and his hands wrap around your upper thighs, lifting you slightly up into the air, and pushing you farther back until you hover over his hips. A sly smile filling his face when he is pleased with where you are before he roughly grabs at your hips and roughly pulls you down to press into his crotch. The thin fabric of his briefs makes you feel every inch of his hardening length, a loud whimper sounding throughout the room and your shoulders slouching forward at the sudden pressure digging into your sensitive skin.
“I’ll fuck you so good in the morning,” he promises with a sweet smile. If your brain wasn’t clouded by the smoke and the feeling of him pressed against you, you would tease him that morning to him was around noon, but his tone kills your biting words before they can reach your tongue, “be good for me and I’ll make you feel good.”
You nod without thinking, your mouth dry and your eyes already fluttering from the slight stimulation. A soft groan rolls out of you and your head falls back onto your shoulders when he starts pushing your hips to grind against him.
“There you go baby,” his voice raspier than usual making a shiver run up your spine, “been wanting to see you like this for forever.”
“You could have had me like this a long time ago if you would have done anything about it,” you finally find the strength to bite back, your head lifting up to stare him in the eye as you start rolling your hips in slow circles.
“Is that so?” his eyebrows dart up and his head tilts to the side at your words, an evil glint in his eyes.
“Yeah,” you press down harder, a content hum rolling through you at the feeling of his tip pressing perfectly against your clit, “probably would have fucked you the first time I came over if you had done anything about it.”
He laughs at your words as his hips thrust up into you and knocking you to lean back, “As fun as that sounds, I’m too much of a gentleman for that,” you reach to grab at his thighs to hold yourself up as you shake your head, “also I was just as high as I am right now so I probably couldn’t have done much.”
You smile and dig your nails into his skin, your hips picking up the pace when electric bites of pleasure shoot through you. Your breath is deep and shallow, turning into desperate panting as you get closer. His hands grab at your knees, pulling your legs further apart and spreading you tighter against his lap.
The deep bass of the music shaking the room brings you back to the feeling of being on the verge of passing out. The whole atmosphere was beginning to get overwhelming on its own, but now combined with the boy below you grinding you into his lap, you felt like your mind was flying into a different existence.
He swears again, as his head tilts back into his thin pillow. His head lifting again to look at where your bodies were pressed together. His eyes squint and he chews on his lip, the gears turning in his head as his fingers grab at the hem of your skirt. He lifts the fabric to expose you to the warm room air, a deep moan falling from his lips at the sight of your dampened skin rolling against him.
“Here,” he presses the fabric against your stomach, his knuckles pressing into your skin, “hold this for me, let me see.”
You press one hand into the mattress between his legs to balance your weight, bringing the other to press your skirt against you. A smug grin falls onto his face at your obedience, his hand reaching under your shirt to grab at your chest, his fingers pinching and pulling to reach under your bralette. His other hand wraps around your hip as he rubs his thumb against the sensitive skin at the inner bend of your thigh. He teases the skin, tickling you and making you whine.
“Please Jaebeom,” your pleads falling on deaf ears, as his eyes zero in on where you grind against him. His eyes are glossed over and hooded at the way you are spread out for him.
“Fucking gorgeous,” his voice is hushed and dreamy, before his hand falls and presses flat against you, his thumb moving to dig into your clit. His starts rubbing quick circles into the buzzing nerves, making you jump and lift off him momentarily, before falling back against him, your hips jerking around erratically.
“Oh my god,” you sob as your head falls back, the feeling of his fingers on your clit is paired with the way he starts to pinch and pull at your nipple. You lose control of your hips and your breathing as the promise of an orgasm shakes your body.
“Are you gonna come for me baby?” his taunting tone losing its bite as his own ending approaches, “come nice and pretty for me okay?”
You can’t stop the noises falling from you, the music feels like it's entering your body and flooding your chest and your ears begin to ring when your orgasm is slowly pulled from you. Your hand tightens around your skirt and your eyes roll back. The grunts coming below you almost inaudible from the way you mind turns to tv static.
You swear in unison as he thrusts up into you and you clench around emptiness. His thumb is even rougher as he comes against you.
He keeps circling the button of nerves as he comes down from his orgasm, unknowingly overstimulating you, and making you jerk around as if you possessed. You fall forward, pressing your chest against his and burying your face into his neck, the weight of your body being the only thing that finally stops him from melting your brain.
You crawl against him, pressing your face deeper, and your arms return to wrap around him in a hug. A silent laugh shakes through his body at the way you cling against him, his arms reaching around to hold you tightly against him.
“Eww,” his tone suddenly turns childish as his tilts to press your back into the mattress, his weight knocking the breath out of you as you wrap your legs around his hips, your ankles locking together, “we’re all gross now.”
Your squirm against him when his mouth and tongue attack your neck, a squeal breaking the atmosphere when he starts blowing raspberries into your skin.
He finally calms down after a beat of time. He rubs his nose into your dampened skin, breathing deeply as your fingers return to tangle in your hair.
“If this is the reward I get for getting you high now, you’re coming over more often.”
Part 2 here -> [12:18AM]
#got7#jaebeom#jaebum#got7 smut#jaebum smut#jaebeom smut#lim jaebeom#lim jaebum#got7 timestamps#got7 drabbles#got7 imagines#got7 fanfic#jaebeom timestamps#jaebum timestamps#got7 jaebeom#got7 jaebum#I barely proofread this bro im so sorry
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sorry if this is a loaded question, ofc you don’t need to answer! what’s your take on the argument that dark content is harmful to reality, and that it romanticises traumas? personally i like reading some dc, but when i see posts about how it’s harmful to both survivors and readers (smth to do with psychologically normalising it) it kinda makes me feel guilty, like i’m doing something wrong? when i know i can distinguish between fiction and reality?
hey! so i’m going to keep this under a read more to avoid upsetting anyone - also because this is literally - and i mean, literally - an essay LMAO. i had a lot to say!
any anon hate will be deleted and blocked, but you’re free to engage me off anon (and kindly on anon) if you want to! anon, you’re also free to come chat with me in dms if you want to speak more freely about this :)
warning for rape mentions, murder / mass murder mentions, dub / noncon mentions.
so, i want to preface this by saying that i don’t think that anyone is obligated to like or be comfortable with dark content. it truly is your prerogative not to be interested in it and you are valid if it makes you feel uncomfortable. so nothing i’m saying here is to convince people that anyone should like it or is wrong for not liking it.
but i don’t agree with the argument that people should be shamed for liking or writing it, that it romanticizes trauma, etc. i understand why people feel that way 100%, but i don’t agree.
sometimes, it feels arbitrary. “dark content” has become a pseudonym for dub/non-con fic, but is the the only type of dark content there is? dark stories can include murder, horror, gore, etc. yet, despite us knowing that murder (for example) is a crime and morally wrong, most people don’t bat an eye when a chara in a fic does it and is still protrayed as attractive or is the reader’s lover. we go crazy for mafia aus where characters kill and show power --- we love those characters, those scenes where they kill and go take their lover all covered in blood. i mean, even in the jjk fandom, one of the most popular characters is a cursed spirit whose first words in the series are about massacring women and children. and we love him. more than that, we love the gory, arguably dark world he comes from - we hypothesize about these characters, we sympathize with them, and we lust over them.
so it’s hard to reconcile that with telling fans who write dub/noncon that they are impacting people’s sense of reality. we’re all experiencing this series together - if written fan fiction is what desensitizes morality, what about the images from the anime and manga? would we make the same argument for banning it? would we say that the people who like sukuna are romanticizing mass violence or that gege is normalizing it for us psychologically by making the character who does it hot and engaging or showing/referencing it so much in the manga?
i just don’t think we would. i think we all understand that those things are wrong and like him knowing that, and can readily say he’s a villain or that the things we’re seeing is wrong. so, i don’t think there’s a black-and-white argument that seeing x in media will make you think y is a-okay or make you more comfortable with it in real life.
i do get that there’s a difference here: a big part of this argument is the sexual aspect of non/dubcon - it’s hard to feel like it’s not normalizing rape when people find a scenario like that hot (whereas no one is like...lewding a mass murder scene, haha). but i think that, at the end of the day, brains do what brains do and people just have dark fantasies. like it’s really as simple as that. rape fantasies in particular are common and talked about by psychologists all the time and i have never been able to find a common thread of them condemning people having them or even writing about them. what they DO talk about is the fact that consent is actually key to the fantasy - that the person fantasizing is the person controlling the situation, that the fantasy, despite being “dub/noncon”, is inherently exactly what they want because THEY are creating the situation, and that, in the end, it’s the absence of actual danger that makes it. ultimately: there is a difference between real life rape and an imagined fantasy or roleplay. so much so that it might not even be fair to call them “rape” fantasies at all.
“It’s crucial to recognize that real-life rape is anything but erotic for a woman. Being at the mercy of someone who’s so outrageously violating your will, holding you down, threatening you with bodily harm (or even death), and physically forcing himself upon you induces arousal all right. But not that of sexuality, but of utterly petrifying anxiety and panic. Contrast this to most imagined rape scenes, which are so electrifying precisely because they’re expressly designed by their female creator to stimulate the illusion of danger—which can, in fact, be positively arousing.”
> from this article.
to me, this is ultimately what dub/noncon fic is. people writing out those fantasies for people who share those fantasies to process those fantasies.
you can make the argument that that it’s harmful to survivors, but that has its own issues when doctors have reported that some survivors have rape fantasies or find comfort in acting out those rape fantasies (and writing, in my opinion, is a form of acting that out). like are they not valid victims because they are contextualizing their trauma into something that they can control and can process on their own terms? i think the issue there is that the argument uses survivors as a monolith to make an argument on their behalf; but every individual survivor is valid in what they think about this because no two survivors process what happened to them in the same way.
i myself am a survivor and have no real issue with dark content (obviously). i don’t read it often and only write it now because of sukuna; but when i do read it, i draw the line at certain things because i personally cannot stomach it. but would i demand that person delete it from existence because of that? no, i wouldn’t. because again, at the end of the day, that’s the entire basis of the fantasy. i control what i’m fantasizing about, and if something that i do not want to happen to “me” as the reader occurs, i do not read it. i don’t consent to that experience or that fantasy, so i stay away. but at the same time, that other person’s fantasy isn’t mine to control or infringe on and it doesn’t make me a better person than them for not sharing the fantasy.
SO ALL OF THIS TO SAAAY: i don’t think you should feel bad for enjoying dark content. i don’t think the argument about whether or not you’ll know how wrong it is in real life anymore really applies because you could make the claim that any type of fiction runs the risk of distorting people’s perception of reality and making them desensitized to something. and i don’t think that’s what people’s struggle with this is.
what it boils down to, to me, is that people can’t understand why anyone would find dub/noncon arousing, and think that they condone rape because of it. which, again, is understandable. rape is a horrible fucking thing to experience - it isn’t sexy, it isn’t hot, it isn’t arousing and it’s hard to see any nuance when you see “noncon” and “wow this was so hot” in one post. but based on the way psychologists talk about “rape” fantasies, i think the two things (the fantasy and the real life act of violence) can typically be distinct for people, even survivors, and it just comes down to whether or not it’s a fantasy you share. if you don’t, completely your right! block the tags, block the writers, do whatever you have to do to protect your peace and your limits! but the discourse about it always seems to go into the realm of shame or arguments about someone’s moral compass, which i think is unfair.
hopefully this helps and wasn't an annoying thing to read! like i said, don’t mind talking about it more if need be!
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Hope Springs Eternal Part Two.
--
One should be cognizant of tread marks of a different kind that await all of us.
But attitude is key. A timeless trait.
More fodder this for that colourful cryptic creation I’m churning about in my brain.
One could not help but notice the dwellings in this compact charming but claustrophobic town.
They were spreadeagled to a fault with scant regard for privacy or personal space.
Neighbours like nodding polders wave from their aluminum polycarbonate verandas.
The sort with integrated guttering and moulded frames.
All packed together like crates in a warehouse.
A carbon copy of some construction company’s catalogue.
The trailing shrubs, wilting flowers in mosaic porcelain propagators, superimposed trellises and overstocked pools to name but a few.
They only served to reinforce their stylish if somewhat stifling similarity.
I was mindful of today’s appointment thanks to my tarnished gold watch and the sonorous chiming of the nearby chapel clock.
Of course one must not overlook Mr and Mrs Ispy as they were nicknamed locally.
The naughty snoops who were minding everybody’s business bar their own.
Adam and alma ahern were their names.
Aunt Virginia had some scathing words about their type.
“Some people base their whole world around tittle tattle.
They are grounded in matters that smart folk view with Olympian disdain.”
One can just imagine the cocked ears and protruding noses feasting on every scrap of scandal real or contrived.
Theirs was an in-built antennae always aligned for mischief of the murkiest kind.
They had an ubiquitous presence.
You never knew what hedge or door they might pop out of.
They sniffer dogged their way around every trail, route, and byway in pursuit of some scurrilous rumour.
Encylopaedic were they on shenanigans of all kinds.
A satellite dish for backstabbing and intrigue.
Some were even so unkind as to suggest that they spied on each other.
They knew everybody and wormed their way into everyone’s confidence when they could!
Gossips at the cutting edge of trivia.
“Oops ….oh no! I’m about to crash.”
I said with my voice trembling.
Lost concentration for a minute.
My notepad and pen skating on a footpath that resembled a small scale ice rink.
Aunt virginia’s word’s about focus were never more valid.
“There goes my poem on …a mudpatch.”
Despite this sudden intrusion I kept my balance but maybe lost something valuable.
A tumult of events on the ground and overhead took place.
Shrill birds chirping and circulating in the sky, swooning and swooping like a scene from an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
As I slowly regained my balance I walked wearily and warily towards the diary with said verse.
The lines were smeared with mud.
Uncannily like a lady’s mudpack.
The heartfelt lines were still legible.
Well, just about.
My heart was beating for various reasons now.
I had a 4pm deadline to meet with forty or so minutes to spare.
Yet there were so many distractions.
An embarrassment of diversion sometimes towered above that stultifying uniformity which threatens even the most imaginative town architecture.
Or was my mind playing tricks on me with all the soundscapes and stimulation of the senses?
The downside of being a poet and writer perhaps?
Virginia’s words of wisdom coming back to haunt me but would I listen ?
The real world and fantasy can segue into one another with distinctions blurred and the usual proneness to exaggeration.
Were the exotic whiffs of Bombay mix recipes emanating from a market place bazaar or some nearby dwelling?
Were they just an illusion with factual elements mixed in?
Either way a favourite haunt of both the Ispy’s and the teen couple I had spoken to earlier was a marketplace.
Both had their own agenda with the aherns being the
more devious!
“Pumpkin seed baps on spits reeking of sesame oil with the most aromatic seasonings wafting everywhere or so I thought.
Incense and Moroccan spices taunting the nose of this stroller on a mission. But also setting off rumblings in the tummy that couldn’t be sated immediately.”
A very vivid image of Virginia with her Mona Lisaesque demeanor appeared.
I was juggling her insights on punctuality and other matters and trying to act on them.
Was I clutching at an ebbing twilight zeal or a burgeoning young at heart momentum?
Distractions make inroads into time but I felt I was being drawn to them.
Did I hear the raucous sound of docker’s voices barely audible but imaginable above the booming traffic?
Were they coming from somewhere close?
Maybe the ships trademark foghorn was setting off an overactive mind or had I supernatural powers at this point in my life?
Whatever the truth, there’s been many a threadbare naval yarn I’ve overheard.
The type that has been twisted, embroidered, embellished even marinated on seas high and low.
Gag induced guffaws billowing upwards as smoke from a chimney stack.
Uproarious bonhomie drowning out the offloading of fetid fish catch.
The vortex of a spiraling timeline giddy with impulse and image drove me on in defiance of their colour and charisma.
But before I knew it a wafer thin voice called out from the corner shop, the location of my rendezvous.
“Hello. Hope spring. I’m your date.
Bang on time both of us.”
A spritely lady in her late sixties with profuse greying hair.
Her eyes were so expressive and sparkled with life.
“Don’t know if I shared my last name when we first met.”
“You did.” I replied.
Virginia, would be proud of my recollection.
“Did you get my call earlier this morning reminding you of the date?”
Hope Spring queried.
“I must have missed it.” Said I archly.
“I also wanted to ask how the poem was going?
We started talking casually as you were writing it.
You were having trouble naming it.”
She said.
“I couldn’t think … how about?”
We both spoke at the same time and laughed.
“Hope ….hope springs eternal!”
The good of it all had us in stitches. I doubt my aunt Virginia would have approved with her dislike of such humour.
“Have you got the poem with you?” Hope enquired.
“No. Sorry, hope some of the lines are a bit muddied.” A reply that made me blush.
Virginia would have scowled.
“Maybe the next time we meet you’ll have it done.” Hope again.
That sounds promising I muttered to myself.
“Yahoo…..you two love birds.
Have fun. See you at the local coffee house.”
Sonia and Winifred’s message as they passed by on their bicycles jolting us out of our conversation.
“Lovely people. Maybe we should take their advice and head off that way.”
Hope placing her right hand on mine.
I nodded in agreement.
“I’ve had this strange feeling all day that I’m being watched… another presence.
Ever had that feeling?” Miss Spring enquired
innocently.
“As I haven’t been in this town for long
it seems more intense than the usual curiosity.”
She continued.
“Shortly after I arrived in this
area I met a charming couple called the aherns.
They warned me of gossips who fed on eavesdropping and misfortune.
Maybe that’s it. I’m certainly grateful for their warning.” Said Hope.
I could barely restrain myself at this bizarre twist that Virginia would definitely
have found amusing.
At that I walked towards the cafe with Hope while craning my neck, taking in all all my surroundings and noticing everything!!
–
Sunday Submission: @mantrabay
Photograph and short story part two by mantrabay copyright protected
#mantrabay#submission sunday#submission#other#written word#photography#photographers on tumblr#original photography#creative writing#short story#Hope Springs Eternal Part Two
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Mine
--hello darlings! I am so honored & pleased to introduce my collab with @soufcakmistress , this beautiful gem right here is a freaking QUEEN! It’s such a pleasure to write with her and we cannot wait to bless ya’ll with this right here! I only act a fool when she comes around and trust me ya’ll are in for a treat! This is @soufcakmistress world right now and I’m just living in it! The plot is so 90′s yet still modern, and of course what’s a story without Erik? Tune in to find out what Erik’s got Noelle & Remi entangled into!
WARNINGS: SMUT; GIRL ON GIRL (Ya’ll, this is pretty hot if I do say so myself.I’m not into chicks, but I give credit when due, this chapter is hot!)
Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT, & REBLOG
*click hyperlink to find out who “her” is*
The millions of nerve endings in your body were intensified by the sensation as the neurons in your brain attempted to register the exhilarating dual stimulation. Your tipsy eyes fluttered as your mouth formed a permanent “O”. Sensual moans filled the room as your eyes struggled to stay focused on the scandalous site before you. With your body in her arms while she held the back of your thighs by your ears, Erik pounded away at your hidden desire as your toes curled to the ceiling. Your head fell back into her chest, looking up to see her smiling at you seductively. Biting your bottom lip, she leaned down to kiss you, tongue wrestling with you while you caressed her neck. Low grunts ensued between you as she bit your lip in between kisses. Still holding your legs for support, she lowered your right leg onto Erik’s shoulder and wrapped her hands around you to pleasure your clit, teasing you.
“Mhmmm” you let out pulling away from the kiss. Grinning in delight, she licked the right side of your neck, sucking it passionately, moving her hand from your clit to your hardened nipples. “Fuck” you breathed out. Still stroking away, Erik’s eyes fell on the two of you as you turned your head to kiss her. Erik bit his bottom lip and raised his brow enjoying the sight. “You know you gotta share right?” He interjected. She pulled away from you, “Sorry” she grinned looking at Erik. “Now where were we?” Erik asked as he watched her move to the back of the bed. Your eyes fell on him and he entered your roughly, kissing you hungrily as he laid your body into the bed. Your hands made a mess of his dreads as your body was building up momentum to his harsh strokes, yanking your body up behind all of his power. You were feeling the impact of 9 inches of hard dick repeatedly stretching your pussy out indefinitely. Clawing at Erik’s back as his dick massages your tight folds, it made you even wetter knowing that you had an audience; an attractive one at that watching you.
You’d never been involved in a situation like this, especially not sober. You’d never been with a woman, not even a simple kiss. Your straight laced demeanor and good girl image was tainted tonight with the aid of liquid courage, and a strong milk chocolate man to guide you down this seductive charade of a rabbit hole; leaving your inhibitions up to free will. Standing 5’4 with caramel skin, her curves were immaculate whether heaven sent or Dr. Miami gifted her silhouette was alluring. Her perfectly crafted body consisted of tattoos in various locations, but the tattoo that was most appealing was the butterfly on her right ass cheek. Your eyes landed on her as Erik folded your body to his comfort, penetrating your swollen nub incessantly while kissing your body. Pulling at the covers you couldn’t contain your moans, arching your back you pulled her foot by mistake causing you to get a better view. With her pearl exposed, she was in fact getting off to watching you and Erik get it on in front of her. She caressed her naked body roughly, hastily rubbing her clit as fast as she could to reach her peak. This alone peaked your curiosity. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her, a physical representation of what self pleasure embodied, with Erik continuously stuffing himself inside of you, your body erupted an intense orgasm that rocked your body with conviction.
Unknowingly, the three of you came together in unison coming down from a high. Erik removed himself from you and walked away to the bathroom. She on the other hand, climbed on top of you, straddled you, and ran her hands through your hair caressing your face, kissing you passionately. Not thinking twice, your hands landed on her back, traveling down to her waist, and lastly a firm grip to her ass; cupping her tattoo. You couldn’t get enough of this feeling, feeling her smile against your lips in between kisses. She managed to flick at your clit, evoking soft whimpers from your lips. “Good girl”, her sultry voice let out. Within minutes, she found your sweet spot, that sensual spot that only Erik could touch, she found what made you gush instantly. With a quick squeeze of your clit and a bite to your nipple, a puddle ensued underneath as a result of endless pleasure. Erik walked in with a pair of joggers on with a smirk on his face, watching how you looked at her smiling, he couldn’t believe that his plan went off without a hitch. Though he was happy, he was growing quite jealous of the bond you two were forming. Clearing his throat, you two looked at him and she removed herself from your lap. “I see you’ve shown her a good time” Erik stated. “I hope so” she said getting out of bed, winking at you. She threw on her lingerie, dress and heels and headed for the door. Erik followed her to the door handing her a wad of money. You two locked eyes for a moment before she walked out the door.
**
Getting out of bed, I threw on my black silk robe as Erik walked over to the bar cart. Erik fixed a shot glass of Don Julio and handed it to me. Taking it, I scrunched my face at him. “Let me get mine” he stated as he poured himself a shot. “To a great night!” Erik stated as his shot glass collided with mine. Taking the shot, my face scrunched in disgust and I got out of bed and placed the empty shot glass on the bar cart. I opened the screen door and stood out on the rooftop. Motioning for Erik to come to me, I placed my arms around his neck, looking in his eyes as he held my waist. “Who would’ve thought huh?” He questioned. “Thought what?” I asked smiling. “That you’d be so be so ‘free’, didn’t think you had it in you” he chuckled smacking my ass. I rolled my eyes “It was just the liquor, I don’t get down like that” I replied looking away, ashamed to say the least. Erik lifted my chin to get my attention “It’s okay.” He smiled revealing his dimples. “It’s okay to admit you like pussy on occasions. I mean, you could’ve fooled me, shorty was definitely feeling you” Erik teased. You pulled away from him annoyed that he was amused at your newfound hidden treasure. “Don’t be like that Noelle, I’m just talking” he says walking towards me. “How’d you know I’d go through with it anyway?” You asked. “I didn’t. But, after spending so much time with you, I figured you’d be the type to try something at least once” he admitted. You scoffed in displeasure. “Erik!” I objected. “I like this new you way better. Remember when we met that night at the club? You had just gotten off work, you were upset about a submission being rejected and you talked to me the entire night at the bar about it. And ever since then, and every night after, you’ve spent thrilling nights with me” he consoled, walking behind you wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Damn you still remember that?” I questioned with a smile to my face, not realizing how much Erik really pays attention to you. “How could I forget Elle? You were too drunk to drive home. I didn’t feel comfortable with you leaving in an Uber that night. You threw up in the front seat of my Maserati. You cried the whole way to my place insisting you’d buy me a new car” Erik laughed. “I haven’t been able to get rid of your stuck up ass since!” He said with a kiss to my cheek. Turning to meet his gaze I toyed with his dreads as we shifted around the rooftop under the night sky. “Never thought you’d be the type to go for a girl in corporate anyway.” You admitted. “It’s a kink of mine, a fantasy of some sort” he embellished. “Shut up!” I replied hitting him in the chest. Our moment of laughter subsided as silence fell upon us. Exhaling I couldn’t believe that I had been so lucky to have met such a perfect man. Erik was edgy, he could be a romantic but he’d make you work for it. Erik was a businessman, and part time trainer. In my eyes he was a jack of all trades, the perfect catch to my damsel in distress facade.
“I need to tell you something” Erik interrupted, “Whats up?” I asked. “I’ve gotta go out of town tomorrow for a business trip” he said. “For how long?” I asked rubbing his arms. Erik looked at me uneasy, “3 weeks” he said. My eyes widened “Erik! Come on, you promised you wouldn’t be away like this anymore!” I whined, walking away from him. “I know, I know baby but duty calls” Erik said taking my hand. “The last time you were gone for a month, and I couldn’t take it” I said pulling away, walking back into the penthouse.
“Why would you spring it on me like this so sudden?!” I questioned. “Because, if I would’ve told you ahead of time, you wouldn’t have come out tonight! I know how you get when I leave” he huffed. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms in my chest, “Can you blame me?!” I asked. “Yeah I can, because if the shoe were on the other foot I would be by your side on your last day!” Erik argued. “Baby, who’s gonna pay for this penthouse? My Maserati? What about that diamond necklace around your neck? You know I gotta work” Erik continued. “I have my own money Erik. I don’t care if you buy me expensive things” I snapped, removing my black silk robe.
“You know I want my baby in the best there is. Don’t do me like that.” Erik concluded. Ignoring his comment I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. My feelings were shaken over the fact that Erik was leaving tomorrow, and he’s just now telling me. We’ve had such a great day but I feel like such a fool for involving myself in a scandalous situation with a beautiful stranger. To top it off, what am I supposed to do now knowing that my coming nights will be spent lonely and uneventful without his touch?
As the water cascaded down my body, my thoughts were interrupted by a cool breeze in the shower. “Couldn’t wait for me?” Erik asked playfully joining me. I glared at him and proceeded to apply the shower gel to my pouf under the water. “Let me get that for you” he said taking the pouf from my hand, forming bubbles with his hands, and applying the pouf to my body, cleaning me. “You know you can’t stay mad at me all night Princess” Erik smiled, grabbing my waist with one arm continuing to lather my body with the bubbly pouf.
“I’m not with that Princess shit tonight. I should’ve known something was up. You always get extra sweet with me when you’re about to leave Erik!” I snapped. Erik stopped bathing me, “Noelle there’s gonna be times where we’re not going to see each other and it’s okay. It’s just three weeks, stop actin’” Erik snapped. I snatched the pouf out of his hands and stood under the water, finishing my shower. “Whatever Erik. You just make sure you don’t give me a reason to pull up” I remarked, now rinsing my body.
“Pull up? Who are you?” Erik said gruffly walking over to me. His hand met the side of my face, gently caressing it “Don’t tempt me Princess” he warned flashing his gold grills. The way he looked at me, it lit a fire inside of my body. I couldn’t help but get turned on at his aggressive demeanor. Without a doubt, Erik always kept his word and I need not ask questions. “I’ll do what I have to do. Don’t be out here embarrassing me” I replied stepping away from him, exiting the shower. I dried off and massaged my skin in coconut body oil. I walked into Erik’s closet and grabbed a t-shirt to sleep in. Climbing into bed, I grabbed my phone and noticed I had an Instagram DM from someone named “Lex 🦋” I was tempted to check it, but decided not to considering my time is now limited with Erik. Locking my phone I placed my phone back on the nightstand and snuggled under the covers waiting for him to get out of the shower.
Erik walked into the bedroom with a towel around his waist. He grabbed my bottle of coconut oil and massaged it into his skin. Erik sat on the bed in front of me, handing me the bottle “Do you mind?” He questioned with a quick shake of his dreads. I giggled as the droplets of water hit against my skin. Squiring oil into my hands I massaged the the oil into Erik’s strong back and shoulders. My hands caressed his neck I slowly leaned against his back with my arms wrapped around his neck. “I don’t like fighting with you” I whispered. “Neither do I” he replied lowly. There was something tender about this moment as I embraced Erik. This would be our second time apart and quite frankly, the more time I spent with him, the more attached I’ve become.
Erik pulled me into his lap and stared at me. “I’m doing what I gotta do for us. Don’t ever think that I’m not keeping you in mind. Hopefully I won’t have to be away like this for much longer” he said before kissing me. I wrapped arms around his neck deepening the kiss as my tongue invaded his lips gladly accepting my offer. Breaking the kiss, Erik leaned down and grabbed the bottle of coconut oil and placed it on the nightstand. Leaving his embrace, I crawled into bed and turned off the lamp on the nightstand on my side of the bed. Erik stood to his feet as the towel dropped from his body and climbed into bed hovering over me.
“I hate it when you’re mad at me” he whispered kissing my forehead. My hands caressed his face and I placed soft kisses to his lips. Lifting the shirt over my head, Erik buried his face into my chest, placing soft kisses and love marks on my nipples. Low groans left my lips as I watched his kisses trail down to my warm center. Grinning, Erik stuck his tongue out playfully licking the outside of my nub anticipating my reaction. I couldn’t help but cackle loudly at his childish behavior. “Oh come on!” I laughed. My laughter was soon replaced with moans as Erik’s tongue separated my folds. My bottom lip tucked between my lips, all I could do was hiss at the sensation that his tongue provided to my clit. Erik wasn’t afraid to get messy, his hands pried my lips back to reveal my succulent, swollen clit. My breathing became hitched as his tongue zig zagged, and flickered against me while he sucked me dry. My sensitive nerve endings triggered a lightning bolt sensation in my left leg as he inserted three fingers inside my tight hole. “Fuckkk!” I groaned as my back arched. I was strokes away from creaming all over this man. With the combination of sucking, licking and pounding to my pussy, Erik’s technique was unmatched, he sent an earth shattering orgasm to my body causing my body to contort in angles.
Erik hovered over me smiling, his lips were juicy from my folds. Sitting up on my elbows I pulled him into a kiss to taste myself. Moaning on his lips, I was now ready for a dick down. Placing my feet on his shoulders, Erik lined himself up at my entrance. Slowly, he filled me, but I was greedy and I wanted as much as my pussy could muster. Before I could utter a word, Erik plunged into me causing me to gasp. The surprise to my body resulted in a slick smile. “Freaky ass” Erik cooed. “For you daddy” i remarked seductively. To Erik, Daddy was the code word for Say Less, and before I knew it his dick took me to heights unknown and my pussy took every stroke with pleasure. Dick like this was a privilege to receive, a gift I dare not take for granted. Erik made sure that I wouldn’t forget this night, this dick, or anymore moments hereafter. I don’t think there would be any luck in saving these sheets, the amount of times I’ve squirted and accepted his seed, were endless. My cries could’ve been heard all over LA tonight and I didn’t care as long as I was with him.
**
The drive to your luxury condo was silent. After such an eventful night, there wasn’t anything else left to say. Asking Erik to stay wasn’t an option. You were never the type to come between a man and his money, but something pulled on your heart strings that something about this business trip was off. This would be the second time that Erik would tell you last minute that he was going away. It was too early and too soon to insist that this is just how Erik is, or if the business trip was a spur of the moment thing from his job. Whatever it is, you hoped he was right, maybe it would be over soon and you two would never be apart again.
Erik pulled into the driveway and grabbed your bag for you. Walking you inside he placed your bag on the couch and stared at you. “Come on Noelle, I don’t wanna be late. Come kiss me goodbye” he said standing there looking lonely. You glared at him, still upset. You made a pitiful stride over to Erik and wrapped your arms around him. “Come here Princess” he spoke softly against your ear pulling you into a kiss. His hands roamed your ass with a good squeeze. He looked in your eyes and smiled, “I promise I won’t be gone long.” He said with another kiss. “Call Lex to keep you company until I get back.” He smirked. “That was a one time thing” you whined rolling your eyes feeling a tantrum coming on. “You have my permission, it’ll make the time pass by. It’ll make you think about me while I’m away” he encouraged pulling you back into his embrace. Lifting your chin to him Erik kissed you passionately. “And whatever you two get into while I’m away, you better FaceTime me that shit” he chuckled. You groaned in annoyance, “I just want you to have some fun while I’m away. You’ll always be mine, so don’t give my shit to nobody else but her, if you must. So when I get back I can show you who’s the King around here” Erik teased seductively kissing you again. “But I gotta go, I’ll call you when I land Princess” Erik says with a final kiss goodbye.
As the door closed behind him, loneliness began to settle in. These past 5 weeks have been been phenomenal and now you hadn’t a clue of what to do with yourself. You walked over to the door and locked it and pulled your phone out of your pocket to call your homegirl Remi. It’s been a while since you two have spoken considering your hectic work schedules and your nightly rendezvous with Erik, you seemed to have neglected your best friend. Unbeknownst to Remi, she wasn’t quite up to speed on your love life let alone your newfound hidden secret.
As you and Remi talked on the phone, you connected your iPhone to your AirPods to multitask on your phone. You pulled up Instagram and decided to respond back to the DM from Lex 🦋. Scrolling through pictures it was quite clear that this was the beautiful stranger from last night. Replying to her DM made you nervous as your thoughts ran wild thinking about last night. Your thoughts were interrupted by Remi yelling at you, she hated when she felt she was being ignored. Remi was the total opposite of you, you were reserved and a bit of an introvert. You had a type A personality whereas Remi was outgoing and very blunt.
Remi was the epitome of a social butterfly, she knew no stranger and will tell it like it is if she had to. Not to mention she would fuck a bitch up if a bitch got crazy. Calming Remi down reassuring her that you were listening to her story, you decided to take Erik up on his offer. You didn’t want to speak too soon and tell him, but maybe this would get your mind off of him being away for now.. you decided to be bold and exchanged numbers with Lex, minutes later as the conversation continued you dropped location for her to pull up. Placing your phone on the coffee table you continued talking to Remi through your AirPods while you poured yourself a glass of wine. Remi always joked with you saying you were too boujee for liquor, she hated coming to your condo knowing you only had wine to drink. You two began to debate over which alcoholic beverage would give you the biggest buzz comparing brown vs white and then liquor vs wine. Before you knew it a shouting match ensured followed by a lot of cackling.
A knock came to the door, interrupting your conversation “Hold on Rem, there’s someone at the door” you say still holding your glass of wine. “Girl it’s probably the neighbors, you know you don’t have company!” Remi joked. “Shut up heffa” you reply unlocking the door keeping the chain on the door. There she was, Lex 🦋 . Your heart skipped a beat. “Um Rem, I think there’s something going on with the neighbors. Lemme call you back sis” you say “Stay outta other folks business!” Remi yells.
Double tapping the AirPod you hung up on Remi and placed the buds in your pocket. “Just a second” you call out. Closing the door quickly, you undid the chain lock on your door and opened the door to let her in. “Erik said I’d be hearing from you” she said walking in. Closing and locking the door behind her, you took a sip of wine and smiled. “Would you like a glass?” You asked.
@soufcakmistress @liilbougievert @honeyandpeaches @goddessofthundathighs @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @thehomierobbstark @mochaxmars @harleycativy @blackpinup22 @19jammmy @mbjfangirl @browngirldominion @woahitslucyylu @loudcowboylawyertree @bigchoose @uzumaki-rebellion @nizzle-mo @luvwitoutlimit1 @honeytoffee
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LIFE IS A GAME
"Don't assume your dreams are just fantasies. If you can imagine a world, believe in it...and dive in" - Kingdom Hearts III
Since I was a child, I have always had a big imagination. Whenever I would be all by myself, I wouldn't feel that I was alone because I'd imagine many scenarios in my head, I was a princess who loved to throw soirées, or sometimes I would be in a mission to save the kingdom, and I would meet new friends along the way. Growing up, this trait has become one of my coping mechanisms whenever I want to escape reality. That's why I was fond of playing Role Playing Games (RPG) at an early age. Creating my own world or being in a world that you can control was therapeutic for me because I had control. Unlike in the real world, you don't have control over most of what's happening around you.
Gaming is very significant in my life because it isn't just also an outlet of escape for me. It also taught me many attributes that I can apply in reality. There are many studies on how gaming can help a person in real life. According to (Tyler, 2021) video games are beneficial in engaging with different facets of our daily lives. Some of the benefits are physical, psychological, and social. Contrary to popular belief, they can promote healthy living and increased social activity through various avenues.
So here are the things that gaming personally helped me in real life:
Gaming Helps With Real-World Problem Solving and Decision-Making
Playing in role-playing games like Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy has helped me develop my problem-solving and decision-making on the spot. Because usually, in RPGs, you are the one who decides what strategies and tactics that can make you win the game and continue the story. This is very useful in reality because there are situations that require you to decide on the spot, and you must think of alternatives when things don't come your way.
Gaming Can Make You Less Anti-Social
I personally don't get why there's this notion that people who play video games is that those who do are awkward social rejects. Gaming can actually make you more sociable and make you more open to a diverse group of people.
I am an avid fan of Square Enix games. Since new media introduced us to easy and fast communication, I have discovered a community with the same interest as mine from all over the world. I enjoyed the different insights and takes on the games we love, and I am amazed at how a society can be formed by video games.
Gaming is Learning
In one article in Record Head, it was mentioned that on a basic level, when playing video games, your brain is working and growing. As you figure out how a game works and complete puzzles to master a level, you are creating new connections in your mind. The more motivated you are to beat the game, the more your brain is working and the more you are learning. Continued learning and stimulating your brain is essential to keeping it healthy as you age. Many video games are also set in different eras or historical settings, such as Assassin's Creed and Grand Theft Auto. When playing these games, you are not only having fun, but you're also learning about history. When a player enjoys the story or setting of these games, they may be motivated to continue learning more about it on their own.
Relating this as a Communication student, exposing myself to different eras has helped me become creative in conceptualizing themes in production and content.
It's Okay To Try Again
I was an uptight person, and I didn't see failure in a positive way back then. Gaming reminded me to forgive myself, and it's okay to make mistakes. When we play video games, the game doesn't end. Just like in the real world, we are bound to fail. But that doesn't mean it is the end when we do. We can do better the next try because we already know where we went wrong.
Given the points I mentioned, we cannot deny that video games are beneficial when it comes to developing our minds, social skills, and way of coping. But, we must bear in mind that we must play or consume video games in moderation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to escape reality, but you can also make gaming your reality by applying the lessons you learn from it.
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Hope Springs Eternal Part 2.9
One should be cognizant of tread marks of a different kind that await all of us.
But attitude is key. A timeless trait.
More fodder this for that colourful cryptic creation I’m churning about in my brain.
One could not help but notice the dwellings in this compact charming but claustrophobic town.
They were spreadeagled to a fault with scant regard for privacy or personal space.
Neighbours like nodding polders wave from their aluminum polycarbonate verandas.
The sort with integrated guttering and moulded frames.
All packed together like crates in a warehouse.
A carbon copy of some construction company’s catalogue.
The trailing shrubs, wilting flowers in mosaic porcelain propagators, superimposed trellises and overstocked pools to name but a few.
They only served to reinforce their stylish if somewhat stifling similarity.
I was mindful of today’s appointment thanks to my tarnished gold watch and the sonorous chiming of the nearby chapel clock.
Of course one must not overlook Mr and Mrs Ispy as they were nicknamed locally.
The naughty snoops who were minding everybody's business bar their own.
Adam and alma ahern were their names.
Aunt Virginia had some scathing words about their type.
“Some people base their whole world around tittle tattle.
They are grounded in matters that smart folk view with Olympian disdain.”
One can just imagine the cocked ears and protruding noses feasting on every scrap of scandal real or contrived.
Theirs was an in-built antennae always aligned for mischief of the murkiest kind.
They had an ubiquitous presence.
You never knew what hedge or door they might pop out of.
They sniffer dogged their way around every trail, route, and byway in pursuit of some scurrilous rumour.
Encylopaedic were they on shenanigans of all kinds.
A satellite dish for backstabbing and intrigue.
Some were even so unkind as to suggest that they spied on each other.
They knew everybody and wormed their way into everyone’s confidence when they could!
Gossips at the cutting edge of trivia.
“Oops ….oh no! I’m about to crash.”
I said with my voice trembling.
Lost concentration for a minute.
My notepad and pen skating on a footpath that resembled a small scale ice rink.
Aunt virginia's word’s about focus were never more valid.
“ There goes my poem on ...a mudpatch.”
Despite this sudden intrusion I kept my balance but maybe lost something valuable.
A tumult of events on the ground and overhead took place.
Shrill birds chirping and circulating in the sky, swooning and swooping like a scene from an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
As I slowly regained my balance I walked wearily and warily towards the diary with said verse.
The lines were smeared with mud.
Uncannily like a lady’s mudpack.
The heartfelt lines were still legible.
Well, just about.
My heart was beating for various reasons now.
I had a 4 pmdeadline to meet with forty or so minutes to spare.
Yet there were so many distractions.
An embarrassment of diversion sometimes towered above that stultifying uniformity which threatens even the most imaginative town architecture.
Or was my mind playing tricks on me with all the soundscapes and stimulation of the senses?
The downside of being a poet and writer perhaps?
Virginia’s words of wisdom coming back to haunt me but would I listen ?
The real world and fantasy can segue into one another with distinctions blurred and the usual proneness to exaggeration.
Were the exotic whiffs of Bombay mix recipes emanating from a market place bazaar or some nearby dwelling?
Were they just an illusion with factual elements mixed in?
Either way a favourite haunt of both the Ispy’s and the teen couple I had spoken to earlier was a marketplace.
Both had their own agenda with the aherns being the
more devious!
Pumpkin seed baps on spits reeking of sesame oil with the most aromatic seasonings wafting everywhere or so I thought.
Incense and Moroccan spices taunting the nose of this stroller on a mission. But also setting off rumblings in the tummy that couldn’t be sated immediately.
A very vivid image of Virginia with her Mona Lisaesque demeanor appeared.
I was juggling her insights on punctuality and other matters and trying to act on them.
Was I clutching at an ebbing twilight zeal or a burgeoning young at heart momentum?
Distractions make inroads into time but I felt I was being drawn to them.
Did I hear the raucous sound of docker’s voices barely audible but imaginable above the booming traffic?
Were they coming from somewhere close?
Maybe the ships trademark foghorn was setting off an overactive mind or had I supernatural powers at this point in my life?
Whatever the truth, there’s been many a threadbare naval yarn I’ve overheard.
The type that has been twisted, embroidered, embellished even marinated on seas high and low.
Gag induced guffaws billowing upwards as smoke from a chimney stack.
Uproarious bonhomie drowning out the offloading of fetid fish catch.
The vortex of a spiraling timeline giddy with impulse and image drove me on in defiance of their colour and charisma.
But before I knew it a wafer thin voice called out from the corner shop, the location of my rendezvous.
“Hello. Hope spring. I’m your date.
Bang on time both of us.”
A Spritely lady in her late sixties with profuse greying hair.
Her eyes were so expressive and sparkled with life.
“Don’t know if I shared my last name when we first met.”
“You did.” I replied.
Virginia, would be proud of my recollection.
“Did you get my call earlier this morning reminding you of the date?”
Hope Spring queried.
“I must have missed it.” Said I archly.
“I also wanted to ask how the poem was going?
We started talking casually as you were writing it.
You were having trouble naming it.”
She said.
“I couldn’t think … how about ?”
We both spoke at the same time and laughed.
“Hope ….hope springs eternal!”
The good of it all had us in stitches. I doubt my aunt Virginia would have approved with her dislike of such humour.
“Have you got the poem with you?” Hope enquired.
“No. Sorry, hope some of the lines are a bit muddied.” A reply that made me blush.
Virginia would have scowled.
“Maybe the next time we meet you’ll have it done.” Hope again.
That sounds promising I muttered to myself.
“Yahoo…..you two love birds.
Have fun. See you at the local coffee house.”
Sonia and Winifred's message as they passed by on their bicycles jolting us out of our conversation.
“Lovely people. Maybe we should take their advice and head off that way.”
Hope placing her right hand on mine.
I nodded in agreement.
“I’ve had this strange feeling all day that I’m being watched… another presence.
Ever had that feeling ?” Miss Spring enquired
innocently.
“As I haven’t been in this town for long
it seems more intense than the usual curiosity.” She continued.
“Shortly after I arrived in this
area I met a charming couple called the aherns.
They warned me of gossips who fed on eavesdropping and misfortune.
Maybe that’s it. I’m certainly grateful for their warning.” Said Hope.
I could barely restrain myself at this bizarre twist that Virginia would definitely
have found amusing.
At that I walked towards the cafe with Hope while craning my neck, taking in all all my surroundings and noticing everything!!
Photographs and short story extract mantrabay copyright protected.
Thanks as always for reading and viewing my posts.
I appreciate that.
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